Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: What has 6 eyes but can't see?
A: 3 blind mice.
Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Showing posts with label sex education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex education. Show all posts
Sunday 3 November 2013
सेक्सले दिमाग तीक्ष्ण बनाउछ
Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: What has 6 eyes but can't see?
A: 3 blind mice.
Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Saturday 26 October 2013
first-time sex का केहि टिप्सहरु ?
Here are my 10 commandments for first-time sex, whether it’s your first time ever or just with a new guy. While I can’t guarantee you a religious experience, if you follow my lead I can promise you a sexual experience that will be all the more satisfying.
1. Safety first. There’s no such thing as totally safe sex, but you sure can be safer. Make sure he’s wearing a condom (even if you’re on the Pill) and talk about your respective sexual histories. I know it may sound like a buzz-kill, but heterosexual women have a higher risk of contracting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) than men, so it’s up to you to take a proactive interest in your sexual health.
2. Don’t have too-high expectations. Sex generally improves as you get to know someone and become more comfortable with each other’s bodies. So don’t feel pressured to make it the best night ever, because this is just the first of many.
3. Breathe. First-time sex can be tense and nerve-wracking, not to mention painful sometimes. Taking long, deep breaths can help you relax and let go.
4. Don’t forget to enjoy foreplay. All the stuff that leads up to intercourse — kissing, touching, oral sex — is part of the sexual experience; it’s not just about penetration.
5. Make sure you’re amply aroused before intercourse. Not only do you want to be genuinely turned on, you want to be sufficiently lubricated. If you’re too dry, he’ll have trouble entering you, you’ll feel discomfort, and the friction can cause the condom to rip. So, keep water–based lube on hand just in case.
6. Speak up. Let him know what feels good, and what doesn’t. Guys crave feedback, so don’t be shy about clueing him in.
7. Don’t assume he’s the expert. He may be getting a lot of his information about sex from porn and the tall tales of his buddies in the locker room. And, even if he is experienced, every sexual encounter is unique. He’s just as worried about pleasing you as you are about getting him off.
8. Don’t expect to have an orgasm. Of course, it’s great if you do. But, most women don’t climax the first few times with a new guy. Orgasms come with a sense of comfort and specific knowledge of each other’s bodies, and that takes time.
9. Don’t fake it. If you do, you’ll only be cheating yourself. Letting him know you came close and want to get there with him will keep him motivated.
10. His penis may malfunction. Guys get anxious too. Premature ejaculation and erectile difficulty are common the first time a man sleeps with someone. If he has a problem, don’t make a big deal out of it or worry that there’s something wrong with you or your connection. More than likely, it will work itself out.
1. Safety first. There’s no such thing as totally safe sex, but you sure can be safer. Make sure he’s wearing a condom (even if you’re on the Pill) and talk about your respective sexual histories. I know it may sound like a buzz-kill, but heterosexual women have a higher risk of contracting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) than men, so it’s up to you to take a proactive interest in your sexual health.
2. Don’t have too-high expectations. Sex generally improves as you get to know someone and become more comfortable with each other’s bodies. So don’t feel pressured to make it the best night ever, because this is just the first of many.
3. Breathe. First-time sex can be tense and nerve-wracking, not to mention painful sometimes. Taking long, deep breaths can help you relax and let go.
4. Don’t forget to enjoy foreplay. All the stuff that leads up to intercourse — kissing, touching, oral sex — is part of the sexual experience; it’s not just about penetration.
5. Make sure you’re amply aroused before intercourse. Not only do you want to be genuinely turned on, you want to be sufficiently lubricated. If you’re too dry, he’ll have trouble entering you, you’ll feel discomfort, and the friction can cause the condom to rip. So, keep water–based lube on hand just in case.
6. Speak up. Let him know what feels good, and what doesn’t. Guys crave feedback, so don’t be shy about clueing him in.
7. Don’t assume he’s the expert. He may be getting a lot of his information about sex from porn and the tall tales of his buddies in the locker room. And, even if he is experienced, every sexual encounter is unique. He’s just as worried about pleasing you as you are about getting him off.
8. Don’t expect to have an orgasm. Of course, it’s great if you do. But, most women don’t climax the first few times with a new guy. Orgasms come with a sense of comfort and specific knowledge of each other’s bodies, and that takes time.
9. Don’t fake it. If you do, you’ll only be cheating yourself. Letting him know you came close and want to get there with him will keep him motivated.
10. His penis may malfunction. Guys get anxious too. Premature ejaculation and erectile difficulty are common the first time a man sleeps with someone. If he has a problem, don’t make a big deal out of it or worry that there’s something wrong with you or your connection. More than likely, it will work itself out.
Wednesday 23 October 2013
कस्तो कानून ? गर्भ खेर गएमा महिलालाई जेल
दुनियाका कुनै कुनै देशमा निकै विचित्र तथा कठोर कानून हुन्छन् । कतिपय त अमानवीय नै हुन्छन् । मध्य अमेरिकी देश एल साल्भाडोरमा पनि एउटा यस्तै कठोर कानून रहेछ । त्यस देशमा गर्भ खेर गएमा महिलालाई जेल हालिन्छ । महिलाको गर्भ जुनसुकै कारणले खेर गएको भएपनि महिलाले जानीबुझी आफैले गर्भ तुहाएको आरोप लगाएर महिलालाई जेल सजायँ सुनाइने रहेछ । गर्भ तुहिएका महिलालाई भ्रुणहत्याको अभियोग लाग्ने गरेको छ ।
यस्तो अन्यायपूर्ण कानूनको सिकार धेरै महिला भएका छन् । समाचार अनुसार गएको अक्टोबर ३० तारेखमा एक १९ वर्षीया किशोरीले योनीबाट रक्तश्राव भएपछि अस्पतालमा जँचाउन जाँदा चिकित्सकहरुले उनको गर्भ खेर गएको जानकारी दिए । त्यसपछि उनलाई जन्मिनका लागि तयार भैसकेको भ्रुण तुहाएको अभियोग लगाएर मुद्दा दायर गरियो । बिचरा ती किशोरीको गर्भ आफै खेर गएको थियो र उनले अस्पतालमा धेरै दिन उपचार गराउनु पर्यो । तर उनीमाथि भ्रुणहत्याको आरोप लाग्यो र अदालतले उनलाई १० वर्षको सजाय सुनायो । उनले जानीजानी गर्भ तुहाएको फैसला अदालतले गरेको छ ।
स्मरण रहोस् एल साल्भाडोरका अलावा निकारागुवा, चिली, होन्डुरस तथा डोमिनिकन गणतन्त्र यस्ता पाँच देश हुन जहाँ गर्भपात सख्त रुपमा बनदेज छ र गर्भपात गर्ने महिलालाई कडा सजाय हुने गरेको छ । अधिकारकर्मीहरुले भने यस्तो कानूनले महिलाको प्रजनन अधिकारको हनन गरेको भन्दै कानून संसोध गर्न माग गरेका छन् ।
यस्तो अन्यायपूर्ण कानूनको सिकार धेरै महिला भएका छन् । समाचार अनुसार गएको अक्टोबर ३० तारेखमा एक १९ वर्षीया किशोरीले योनीबाट रक्तश्राव भएपछि अस्पतालमा जँचाउन जाँदा चिकित्सकहरुले उनको गर्भ खेर गएको जानकारी दिए । त्यसपछि उनलाई जन्मिनका लागि तयार भैसकेको भ्रुण तुहाएको अभियोग लगाएर मुद्दा दायर गरियो । बिचरा ती किशोरीको गर्भ आफै खेर गएको थियो र उनले अस्पतालमा धेरै दिन उपचार गराउनु पर्यो । तर उनीमाथि भ्रुणहत्याको आरोप लाग्यो र अदालतले उनलाई १० वर्षको सजाय सुनायो । उनले जानीजानी गर्भ तुहाएको फैसला अदालतले गरेको छ ।
स्मरण रहोस् एल साल्भाडोरका अलावा निकारागुवा, चिली, होन्डुरस तथा डोमिनिकन गणतन्त्र यस्ता पाँच देश हुन जहाँ गर्भपात सख्त रुपमा बनदेज छ र गर्भपात गर्ने महिलालाई कडा सजाय हुने गरेको छ । अधिकारकर्मीहरुले भने यस्तो कानूनले महिलाको प्रजनन अधिकारको हनन गरेको भन्दै कानून संसोध गर्न माग गरेका छन् ।
Tuesday 22 October 2013
Single women: how to be happy, dating or alone
Times have never been better for single women. Long gone are the days when we needed a man to pay the bills and protect us, and our social status was dependent on our spouse. Despite the recent return of Bridget Jones, there are single people of all ages out there going about their business and enjoying themselves, and the word spinster has pretty much been outlawed. And yet, says Zoe Strimpel, who is organising a discussion on the topic at this year's Cambridge Festival of Ideas, being unattached and over 30 remains a source of anxiety for many. Concerns range from mass hysteria over biological clocks through to fear of coping alone in old age, via unhelpful stereotypes of cat ladies and cougars. "Sometimes it's hard to know how to be a neutral single woman," says Strimpel. Joining her in discussion will be relationship counsellor Susan Quilliam, psychologist Cecilia d'Felice and authority on sexual matters, Rowan Pelling. Here is a preview of key tips from the event, entitled How to be a Single Woman in 2013, Whether You're 25 or 60, along with some thoughts from happily single women.
Age 20-30
Don't feel obliged to regale your coupled-up friends with wild tales from dating's front line. There's an immense pressure to be showily "single and loving it", says Strimpel, whose book The Man Diet was published last year. "I have heard some distressing sexual things women have reluctantly done in the name of fun," she adds, "such as going home with unfriendly randoms only to be secretly appalled by their callous and unattractive behaviour, the porn pop ups carelessly left flashing on their laptop." People expect that their single friends will want to talk about men, whether it's about sex, or deconstructing their behaviour per se, "but the more you talk about something, the more entrenched in your mind it becomes," breeding unhealthy obsessions, says Strimpel.
Engage in lofty activities. When you've been burning the candle in search of romance, only to find yourself exhausted and so very tired of bad sex, try staying in to read War and Peace instead. That's what Strimpel did, and it helped her gain some perspective. "I felt so smug," she says, "I couldn't believe that I had bothered with these losers when I was now too busy contemplating the battle of Borodino in 1812."
30-40
Don't feel like a failure; seize the opportunity to find yourself instead. "When you're in a relationship it's very hard to see yourself clearly because you're constantly in response to your partner," says d'Felice. Whereas when you're single, you can take stock, learn from your mistakes and work out what you want for the future. "Particularly for women who have been conditioned to be givers rather than takers," she adds, it's an opportunity to put ourselves first. "This is not an act of selfishness," she says. "It's a very important act of selfhood."
Contentment is key. Tina Andrews, who has been single for a decade, points out that there are happy and unhappy people in and out of relationships. "For me it's about being content and, hopefully, that takes you on the right path. I see more pain and misery from women who think they should be in a relationship, who put themselves out there to be knocked back, and lose a sense of themselves. I think: you've wasted 10 years trying to find a man while I've enjoyed myself."
Avoid women's magazines. Patti Burton, a charity manager who has been single for more than 20 years, cites her disinterest in glossy articles "aimed at people who are part of couples", as one of the reasons she has never felt any stigma about her relationship status.
40-50
Don't be afraid of 40. Andrews felt in the run-up that her options were falling away, but then realised: "I actually don't care. I don't have the urge to have a family, and I don't see 40 as the end of that anyway. As we grow up, our expectations of certain ages change. It's the Friends generation turning into the Sex and the City generation, moving into the Golden Girls. Life continues at all these ages."
Internet dating Internet dating has brought new opportunities for single women. Photograph: Brian Jackson/Alamy
Give thanks that you're among the last generations who didn't learn about sex from internet porn. "You know sex is a fun, amateur sport, and that's a great blessing," says Pelling.
Single mums can have fun, too. "Of my friends who wanted to be older mums," says Pelling, "more of them had children than not, despite everyone saying their chances were about 2%." And those who went for it on their own with sperm-donor dads are still dating. "The biggest change is internet dating, so you don't have to join the amateur dramatics society and the tennis club any more to meet people."
50-60
Women do not become invisible in middle age. Says Pelling: "some of the most attractive, lusted-after women I know are in their 50s. It's up to you whether you think it's time to withdraw." You do, however, have to be robust in the face of those who want to knock women down. "But it's not as if we're dressing to attract people of 28. … Why should we have to not be a sexual person just because we're on the wrong side of 45?"
Don't be hemmed in by cliches. You can't stop people using labels, such as cougar, says Pelling. "Culturally, we're much worse than, say, the French about older people having sex. Everyone in France expects glamorous 60-year-olds will be, but we're sort of still coping with the idea. There are a load of unpleasant terms out there but it'll get you nowhere having any anxiety about those."
60 plus
Don't take the decreasing numbers of men personally. "Be realistic," says Quilliam, "and face the fact that there are fewer men than there once were and you'll probably live longer than most of them."
Enjoy not having to pick up anyone's pants any more. When her marriage ended, Burton (now 65) assumed she'd eventually have another live-in relationship but what has largely been on offer is "lonely men who need looking after. I've got three children and six grandchildren – I do not need a middle-aged man to look after".
Use a condom. Along with the increasing sexual activity in 50- to 90-year-olds (80% are sexually active), figures published in the British Medical Journal last year showed that STDS in this age group have doubled in a decade.
All ages
Be positive, says Quilliam, "if for no other reason than bitterness is not a good look – to attract a partner, for your friends to hang round and, most importantly, for you." Don't spend the rest of your life saying "... the bastard's robbed me". Do whatever it takes to move on: counselling, talking to friends, rethinking your life.
Be self-determining. It's very easy to be passive, says Quilliam. If you want a partner, try internet dating, or taking other active steps to find one. And if you want to stay single, or have a string of casual affairs, go for it. You now have the freedom.
Connect in a way that's right for you. Burton gets all the human warmth she needs from her family. Or gather friends around you, says Quilliam: "You can get most of what you want from people other than a partner."
Finally, Quilliam quotes the words that poet Seamus Heaney texted to his wife last month when he was on the brink of death and she was facing widowhood: "nolle timere" (don't be afraid). "The key thing about being single is don't be frightened. In today's world as a woman, you have huge status, you can manage on your own, you can chose to build your own life."
Don't feel obliged to regale your coupled-up friends with wild tales from dating's front line. There's an immense pressure to be showily "single and loving it", says Strimpel, whose book The Man Diet was published last year. "I have heard some distressing sexual things women have reluctantly done in the name of fun," she adds, "such as going home with unfriendly randoms only to be secretly appalled by their callous and unattractive behaviour, the porn pop ups carelessly left flashing on their laptop." People expect that their single friends will want to talk about men, whether it's about sex, or deconstructing their behaviour per se, "but the more you talk about something, the more entrenched in your mind it becomes," breeding unhealthy obsessions, says Strimpel.
Engage in lofty activities. When you've been burning the candle in search of romance, only to find yourself exhausted and so very tired of bad sex, try staying in to read War and Peace instead. That's what Strimpel did, and it helped her gain some perspective. "I felt so smug," she says, "I couldn't believe that I had bothered with these losers when I was now too busy contemplating the battle of Borodino in 1812."
30-40
Don't feel like a failure; seize the opportunity to find yourself instead. "When you're in a relationship it's very hard to see yourself clearly because you're constantly in response to your partner," says d'Felice. Whereas when you're single, you can take stock, learn from your mistakes and work out what you want for the future. "Particularly for women who have been conditioned to be givers rather than takers," she adds, it's an opportunity to put ourselves first. "This is not an act of selfishness," she says. "It's a very important act of selfhood."
Contentment is key. Tina Andrews, who has been single for a decade, points out that there are happy and unhappy people in and out of relationships. "For me it's about being content and, hopefully, that takes you on the right path. I see more pain and misery from women who think they should be in a relationship, who put themselves out there to be knocked back, and lose a sense of themselves. I think: you've wasted 10 years trying to find a man while I've enjoyed myself."
Avoid women's magazines. Patti Burton, a charity manager who has been single for more than 20 years, cites her disinterest in glossy articles "aimed at people who are part of couples", as one of the reasons she has never felt any stigma about her relationship status.
40-50
Don't be afraid of 40. Andrews felt in the run-up that her options were falling away, but then realised: "I actually don't care. I don't have the urge to have a family, and I don't see 40 as the end of that anyway. As we grow up, our expectations of certain ages change. It's the Friends generation turning into the Sex and the City generation, moving into the Golden Girls. Life continues at all these ages."
Internet dating Internet dating has brought new opportunities for single women. Photograph: Brian Jackson/Alamy
Give thanks that you're among the last generations who didn't learn about sex from internet porn. "You know sex is a fun, amateur sport, and that's a great blessing," says Pelling.
Single mums can have fun, too. "Of my friends who wanted to be older mums," says Pelling, "more of them had children than not, despite everyone saying their chances were about 2%." And those who went for it on their own with sperm-donor dads are still dating. "The biggest change is internet dating, so you don't have to join the amateur dramatics society and the tennis club any more to meet people."
50-60
Women do not become invisible in middle age. Says Pelling: "some of the most attractive, lusted-after women I know are in their 50s. It's up to you whether you think it's time to withdraw." You do, however, have to be robust in the face of those who want to knock women down. "But it's not as if we're dressing to attract people of 28. … Why should we have to not be a sexual person just because we're on the wrong side of 45?"
Don't be hemmed in by cliches. You can't stop people using labels, such as cougar, says Pelling. "Culturally, we're much worse than, say, the French about older people having sex. Everyone in France expects glamorous 60-year-olds will be, but we're sort of still coping with the idea. There are a load of unpleasant terms out there but it'll get you nowhere having any anxiety about those."
60 plus
Don't take the decreasing numbers of men personally. "Be realistic," says Quilliam, "and face the fact that there are fewer men than there once were and you'll probably live longer than most of them."
Enjoy not having to pick up anyone's pants any more. When her marriage ended, Burton (now 65) assumed she'd eventually have another live-in relationship but what has largely been on offer is "lonely men who need looking after. I've got three children and six grandchildren – I do not need a middle-aged man to look after".
Use a condom. Along with the increasing sexual activity in 50- to 90-year-olds (80% are sexually active), figures published in the British Medical Journal last year showed that STDS in this age group have doubled in a decade.
All ages
Be positive, says Quilliam, "if for no other reason than bitterness is not a good look – to attract a partner, for your friends to hang round and, most importantly, for you." Don't spend the rest of your life saying "... the bastard's robbed me". Do whatever it takes to move on: counselling, talking to friends, rethinking your life.
Be self-determining. It's very easy to be passive, says Quilliam. If you want a partner, try internet dating, or taking other active steps to find one. And if you want to stay single, or have a string of casual affairs, go for it. You now have the freedom.
Connect in a way that's right for you. Burton gets all the human warmth she needs from her family. Or gather friends around you, says Quilliam: "You can get most of what you want from people other than a partner."
Finally, Quilliam quotes the words that poet Seamus Heaney texted to his wife last month when he was on the brink of death and she was facing widowhood: "nolle timere" (don't be afraid). "The key thing about being single is don't be frightened. In today's world as a woman, you have huge status, you can manage on your own, you can chose to build your own life."
Single women: how to be happy, dating or alone
Times have never been better for single women. Long gone are the days when we needed a man to pay the bills and protect us, and our social status was dependent on our spouse. Despite the recent return of Bridget Jones, there are single people of all ages out there going about their business and enjoying themselves, and the word spinster has pretty much been outlawed. And yet, says Zoe Strimpel, who is organising a discussion on the topic at this year's Cambridge Festival of Ideas, being unattached and over 30 remains a source of anxiety for many. Concerns range from mass hysteria over biological clocks through to fear of coping alone in old age, via unhelpful stereotypes of cat ladies and cougars. "Sometimes it's hard to know how to be a neutral single woman," says Strimpel. Joining her in discussion will be relationship counsellor Susan Quilliam, psychologist Cecilia d'Felice and authority on sexual matters, Rowan Pelling. Here is a preview of key tips from the event, entitled How to be a Single Woman in 2013, Whether You're 25 or 60, along with some thoughts from happily single women.
Age 20-30
Don't feel obliged to regale your coupled-up friends with wild tales from dating's front line. There's an immense pressure to be showily "single and loving it", says Strimpel, whose book The Man Diet was published last year. "I have heard some distressing sexual things women have reluctantly done in the name of fun," she adds, "such as going home with unfriendly randoms only to be secretly appalled by their callous and unattractive behaviour, the porn pop ups carelessly left flashing on their laptop." People expect that their single friends will want to talk about men, whether it's about sex, or deconstructing their behaviour per se, "but the more you talk about something, the more entrenched in your mind it becomes," breeding unhealthy obsessions, says Strimpel.
Engage in lofty activities. When you've been burning the candle in search of romance, only to find yourself exhausted and so very tired of bad sex, try staying in to read War and Peace instead. That's what Strimpel did, and it helped her gain some perspective. "I felt so smug," she says, "I couldn't believe that I had bothered with these losers when I was now too busy contemplating the battle of Borodino in 1812."
30-40
Don't feel like a failure; seize the opportunity to find yourself instead. "When you're in a relationship it's very hard to see yourself clearly because you're constantly in response to your partner," says d'Felice. Whereas when you're single, you can take stock, learn from your mistakes and work out what you want for the future. "Particularly for women who have been conditioned to be givers rather than takers," she adds, it's an opportunity to put ourselves first. "This is not an act of selfishness," she says. "It's a very important act of selfhood."
Contentment is key. Tina Andrews, who has been single for a decade, points out that there are happy and unhappy people in and out of relationships. "For me it's about being content and, hopefully, that takes you on the right path. I see more pain and misery from women who think they should be in a relationship, who put themselves out there to be knocked back, and lose a sense of themselves. I think: you've wasted 10 years trying to find a man while I've enjoyed myself."
Avoid women's magazines. Patti Burton, a charity manager who has been single for more than 20 years, cites her disinterest in glossy articles "aimed at people who are part of couples", as one of the reasons she has never felt any stigma about her relationship status.
40-50
Don't be afraid of 40. Andrews felt in the run-up that her options were falling away, but then realised: "I actually don't care. I don't have the urge to have a family, and I don't see 40 as the end of that anyway. As we grow up, our expectations of certain ages change. It's the Friends generation turning into the Sex and the City generation, moving into the Golden Girls. Life continues at all these ages."
Internet dating Internet dating has brought new opportunities for single women. Photograph: Brian Jackson/Alamy
Give thanks that you're among the last generations who didn't learn about sex from internet porn. "You know sex is a fun, amateur sport, and that's a great blessing," says Pelling.
Single mums can have fun, too. "Of my friends who wanted to be older mums," says Pelling, "more of them had children than not, despite everyone saying their chances were about 2%." And those who went for it on their own with sperm-donor dads are still dating. "The biggest change is internet dating, so you don't have to join the amateur dramatics society and the tennis club any more to meet people."
50-60
Women do not become invisible in middle age. Says Pelling: "some of the most attractive, lusted-after women I know are in their 50s. It's up to you whether you think it's time to withdraw." You do, however, have to be robust in the face of those who want to knock women down. "But it's not as if we're dressing to attract people of 28. … Why should we have to not be a sexual person just because we're on the wrong side of 45?"
Don't be hemmed in by cliches. You can't stop people using labels, such as cougar, says Pelling. "Culturally, we're much worse than, say, the French about older people having sex. Everyone in France expects glamorous 60-year-olds will be, but we're sort of still coping with the idea. There are a load of unpleasant terms out there but it'll get you nowhere having any anxiety about those."
60 plus
Don't take the decreasing numbers of men personally. "Be realistic," says Quilliam, "and face the fact that there are fewer men than there once were and you'll probably live longer than most of them."
Enjoy not having to pick up anyone's pants any more. When her marriage ended, Burton (now 65) assumed she'd eventually have another live-in relationship but what has largely been on offer is "lonely men who need looking after. I've got three children and six grandchildren – I do not need a middle-aged man to look after".
Use a condom. Along with the increasing sexual activity in 50- to 90-year-olds (80% are sexually active), figures published in the British Medical Journal last year showed that STDS in this age group have doubled in a decade.
All ages
Be positive, says Quilliam, "if for no other reason than bitterness is not a good look – to attract a partner, for your friends to hang round and, most importantly, for you." Don't spend the rest of your life saying "... the bastard's robbed me". Do whatever it takes to move on: counselling, talking to friends, rethinking your life.
Be self-determining. It's very easy to be passive, says Quilliam. If you want a partner, try internet dating, or taking other active steps to find one. And if you want to stay single, or have a string of casual affairs, go for it. You now have the freedom.
Connect in a way that's right for you. Burton gets all the human warmth she needs from her family. Or gather friends around you, says Quilliam: "You can get most of what you want from people other than a partner."
Finally, Quilliam quotes the words that poet Seamus Heaney texted to his wife last month when he was on the brink of death and she was facing widowhood: "nolle timere" (don't be afraid). "The key thing about being single is don't be frightened. In today's world as a woman, you have huge status, you can manage on your own, you can chose to build your own life."
Don't feel obliged to regale your coupled-up friends with wild tales from dating's front line. There's an immense pressure to be showily "single and loving it", says Strimpel, whose book The Man Diet was published last year. "I have heard some distressing sexual things women have reluctantly done in the name of fun," she adds, "such as going home with unfriendly randoms only to be secretly appalled by their callous and unattractive behaviour, the porn pop ups carelessly left flashing on their laptop." People expect that their single friends will want to talk about men, whether it's about sex, or deconstructing their behaviour per se, "but the more you talk about something, the more entrenched in your mind it becomes," breeding unhealthy obsessions, says Strimpel.
Engage in lofty activities. When you've been burning the candle in search of romance, only to find yourself exhausted and so very tired of bad sex, try staying in to read War and Peace instead. That's what Strimpel did, and it helped her gain some perspective. "I felt so smug," she says, "I couldn't believe that I had bothered with these losers when I was now too busy contemplating the battle of Borodino in 1812."
30-40
Don't feel like a failure; seize the opportunity to find yourself instead. "When you're in a relationship it's very hard to see yourself clearly because you're constantly in response to your partner," says d'Felice. Whereas when you're single, you can take stock, learn from your mistakes and work out what you want for the future. "Particularly for women who have been conditioned to be givers rather than takers," she adds, it's an opportunity to put ourselves first. "This is not an act of selfishness," she says. "It's a very important act of selfhood."
Contentment is key. Tina Andrews, who has been single for a decade, points out that there are happy and unhappy people in and out of relationships. "For me it's about being content and, hopefully, that takes you on the right path. I see more pain and misery from women who think they should be in a relationship, who put themselves out there to be knocked back, and lose a sense of themselves. I think: you've wasted 10 years trying to find a man while I've enjoyed myself."
Avoid women's magazines. Patti Burton, a charity manager who has been single for more than 20 years, cites her disinterest in glossy articles "aimed at people who are part of couples", as one of the reasons she has never felt any stigma about her relationship status.
40-50
Don't be afraid of 40. Andrews felt in the run-up that her options were falling away, but then realised: "I actually don't care. I don't have the urge to have a family, and I don't see 40 as the end of that anyway. As we grow up, our expectations of certain ages change. It's the Friends generation turning into the Sex and the City generation, moving into the Golden Girls. Life continues at all these ages."
Internet dating Internet dating has brought new opportunities for single women. Photograph: Brian Jackson/Alamy
Give thanks that you're among the last generations who didn't learn about sex from internet porn. "You know sex is a fun, amateur sport, and that's a great blessing," says Pelling.
Single mums can have fun, too. "Of my friends who wanted to be older mums," says Pelling, "more of them had children than not, despite everyone saying their chances were about 2%." And those who went for it on their own with sperm-donor dads are still dating. "The biggest change is internet dating, so you don't have to join the amateur dramatics society and the tennis club any more to meet people."
50-60
Women do not become invisible in middle age. Says Pelling: "some of the most attractive, lusted-after women I know are in their 50s. It's up to you whether you think it's time to withdraw." You do, however, have to be robust in the face of those who want to knock women down. "But it's not as if we're dressing to attract people of 28. … Why should we have to not be a sexual person just because we're on the wrong side of 45?"
Don't be hemmed in by cliches. You can't stop people using labels, such as cougar, says Pelling. "Culturally, we're much worse than, say, the French about older people having sex. Everyone in France expects glamorous 60-year-olds will be, but we're sort of still coping with the idea. There are a load of unpleasant terms out there but it'll get you nowhere having any anxiety about those."
60 plus
Don't take the decreasing numbers of men personally. "Be realistic," says Quilliam, "and face the fact that there are fewer men than there once were and you'll probably live longer than most of them."
Enjoy not having to pick up anyone's pants any more. When her marriage ended, Burton (now 65) assumed she'd eventually have another live-in relationship but what has largely been on offer is "lonely men who need looking after. I've got three children and six grandchildren – I do not need a middle-aged man to look after".
Use a condom. Along with the increasing sexual activity in 50- to 90-year-olds (80% are sexually active), figures published in the British Medical Journal last year showed that STDS in this age group have doubled in a decade.
All ages
Be positive, says Quilliam, "if for no other reason than bitterness is not a good look – to attract a partner, for your friends to hang round and, most importantly, for you." Don't spend the rest of your life saying "... the bastard's robbed me". Do whatever it takes to move on: counselling, talking to friends, rethinking your life.
Be self-determining. It's very easy to be passive, says Quilliam. If you want a partner, try internet dating, or taking other active steps to find one. And if you want to stay single, or have a string of casual affairs, go for it. You now have the freedom.
Connect in a way that's right for you. Burton gets all the human warmth she needs from her family. Or gather friends around you, says Quilliam: "You can get most of what you want from people other than a partner."
Finally, Quilliam quotes the words that poet Seamus Heaney texted to his wife last month when he was on the brink of death and she was facing widowhood: "nolle timere" (don't be afraid). "The key thing about being single is don't be frightened. In today's world as a woman, you have huge status, you can manage on your own, you can chose to build your own life."
Monday 21 October 2013
What Happened When I Had Sex Every Day For A Year
I just had sex every day for a year, and I didn't tell you about it.
But I did video tape it, so check it out -> here!
Just kidding.
I wasn't even sure I was going to go into it, but here we are. *pats the empty space on the couch*
It was the email that never made the emails, mostly because it was the kind of truth that stung a little too much.Well, shit.
The fact is, I am horrible at intimacy. I come from a family of non-huggers and I sometimes hate my body, so yeah, recipe for Temple Grandin hug machine. My husband is gorgeous and very, very sexy, but the issues we were having in the sack were all me. I could not shut my insecurity off, and sex quickly became a really anxiety-inducing experience that went one of two ways.
1. I avoided it, because it was hot and stressful hiding my body under two comforters and a snowsuit in the dark and instead ran a diversion play. I have cramps. I have too many deadlines. Gigi is too scared to sleep alone let's bring her in the bed with us. Yeah, I used a 4-year-old as the most adorable cock-block ever. You can't be in sex mode after reading three Fancy Nancy books, you just can't.
2. I tried to explain to him why I was self conscious, and then he asked why him telling me how pretty I was wasn't enough for me to get over it, and I felt like a horrible, horrible asshole.
So after a lot of crying and shrimp curry, I came up with the plan to have sex every day for a year, barring any medical problems or logistical issues, and he seemed to be pretty okay with it. I wish it could say it was a profound decision, but the truth is, I was getting worried he was losing interest because I acted uninterested out of insecurity, and he was getting nervous about me saying things like, how awesome do separate bedrooms sound!?
(Spoiler alert: I still vote separate bedrooms, but he's a snorer and sleep chewer who is vehemently against the color mint and my need for body pillows.)
We figured if we focused on intimacy, eventually it'd rekindle all the things we spent sevenish post-birth years back burner'ing out of sheer exhaustion and raging insecurity. This is the same way I got over my fear of eating oysters and driving in the snow. You just make yourself do it until you don't notice it feels like mucus or like you don't know how to control a motor vehicle. You make yourself do it until it becomes a place of comfort and safety. You make yourself do it until suddenly, you love it.
Now I can't speak for Andy, except to say he had a really good time, but for me, a year of sex became less about getting my sex on, and more about getting my brain to stop being an asshole when I took all my clothes off.
It started off pretty rough. I felt like I was always preparing for sex; Whore's Bath & Sink Shaving Badge #5: UNLOCKED. It got to the end of the day, and as I hunched over the sink washing my face, praying for cold sheets and sleep, I'd realize I still had the whole love-making thing to do, and it was like, awesome, another daily chore.
But then it stopped being a chore, and became the moment of the day where I was most at peace. Where I could have an actual conversation with my husband and know he was listening to me and not secretly watching television or elbow deep in Lego assembly.
I told a few friends, and they reacted pretty much the same way, oh I could never do that. And I totally get it, but I actually learned a lot about myself between the sheets.
It's not you, it's me. Stop being weird about it.
So I disliked my stomach. My thighs. How I looked laying flat on my back. A myriad of irrational things, really, and I'd have the same conversation with Andy about it, telling him I'm self conscious and I just don't feel sexy, and then he'd spend 10 minutes telling me how gorgeous I am, and then another 30 minutes pouting and being hurt that it wasn't enough to make me change my mind. So on top of feeling insecure, I felt like a jerk. That needed to stop. I needed to explain to him that him seeing me that way is great, but unless I saw it too, it didn't count. I mean, at least if he expected me to be an active participant and not just a hole laying on the mattress. It took a lot of talking to make him realize that me not feeling sexy was not an attack on him, and him being hurt about it only made me feel worse. I wanted to enjoy sex, too. And the key for me being able to enjoy it is feeling confident and gorgeous, and that was a me journey, not a him journey, though having a cheerleader on the sidelines was a plus.
We quickly learned, confident Brittany sex is way better.
Pretty panties make me happy.
It's no secret that I love fashion and playing dress up, but I found that when I was at home in mom/wife/muggle/couch mode, I was opting for ease. And that's fine. Seriously, I am not some bitch here telling you to wear heels to the grocery store or pants to school pick up when you aren't even getting out of the car and it's a total waste of clean pants. But one day I was getting dressed for an outside wedding shower in 90 degree heat, and decided to forgo shapewear for regular underwear, when I realized the only underwear I owned was either ratty maternity underwear or cheap 99 cent briefs I grabbed at the end of a Walmart aisle to get me through my period week. No wonder I didn't feel sexy, I had the undergarments of an incontinent nursing home patient.
So I went to Cacique and stocked up on 5 for $25 panties. Some were plain and some were lacy, and when I wore them they looked so pretty across my hips. I'd even find myself walking from my closet to the bathroom wearing them, a stark contract to the primal run I did covered in a towel with my spanx shoved into a ball of clothes in my hands when I thought Andy wasn't paying attention.
I went back to buy more underwear, and even some cute lingerie that I tried on in the store and sent photos of to Andy at work. Needless to say, he was excited, but it was more than that. The effort I put into wearing the cute panties, even if they were under a pair of jeans or sweat shorts, made me feel insanely gorgeous, and my brain needed that.
I am my own sex advocate.
I like being on my knees and I'm not an inside climaxer, I'm an outside climaxer. I do like oral sex, but I don't like having my nipples touched, because they are numb. I also hate having breath on my neck because I am extremely ticklish, and then I get goosebumps and my leg hair grows in too fast. Please stop doing that.
All that? I had to work on being okay saying all that out loud, and get over the idea that I was being a selfish, demanding nympho. I deserve good sex as much as he does, and instead of waiting around for him to figure it out, which is totally unfair to guys by the way, I had to find my voice and use it.
Coincidentally, it was a major turn on. Who knew?
Now what, nympho?
We're not hell-bent on doing it every day anymore, but we definitely make more of an effort, and it helped us be a lot more open with each other. I mean, if you have "ball shaving" as a monthly google calendar alert, it's safe to say you're comfortable talking about almost anything.
But I did video tape it, so check it out -> here!
Just kidding.
I wasn't even sure I was going to go into it, but here we are. *pats the empty space on the couch*
It was the email that never made the emails, mostly because it was the kind of truth that stung a little too much.Well, shit.
The fact is, I am horrible at intimacy. I come from a family of non-huggers and I sometimes hate my body, so yeah, recipe for Temple Grandin hug machine. My husband is gorgeous and very, very sexy, but the issues we were having in the sack were all me. I could not shut my insecurity off, and sex quickly became a really anxiety-inducing experience that went one of two ways.
1. I avoided it, because it was hot and stressful hiding my body under two comforters and a snowsuit in the dark and instead ran a diversion play. I have cramps. I have too many deadlines. Gigi is too scared to sleep alone let's bring her in the bed with us. Yeah, I used a 4-year-old as the most adorable cock-block ever. You can't be in sex mode after reading three Fancy Nancy books, you just can't.
2. I tried to explain to him why I was self conscious, and then he asked why him telling me how pretty I was wasn't enough for me to get over it, and I felt like a horrible, horrible asshole.
So after a lot of crying and shrimp curry, I came up with the plan to have sex every day for a year, barring any medical problems or logistical issues, and he seemed to be pretty okay with it. I wish it could say it was a profound decision, but the truth is, I was getting worried he was losing interest because I acted uninterested out of insecurity, and he was getting nervous about me saying things like, how awesome do separate bedrooms sound!?
(Spoiler alert: I still vote separate bedrooms, but he's a snorer and sleep chewer who is vehemently against the color mint and my need for body pillows.)
We figured if we focused on intimacy, eventually it'd rekindle all the things we spent sevenish post-birth years back burner'ing out of sheer exhaustion and raging insecurity. This is the same way I got over my fear of eating oysters and driving in the snow. You just make yourself do it until you don't notice it feels like mucus or like you don't know how to control a motor vehicle. You make yourself do it until it becomes a place of comfort and safety. You make yourself do it until suddenly, you love it.
Now I can't speak for Andy, except to say he had a really good time, but for me, a year of sex became less about getting my sex on, and more about getting my brain to stop being an asshole when I took all my clothes off.
It started off pretty rough. I felt like I was always preparing for sex; Whore's Bath & Sink Shaving Badge #5: UNLOCKED. It got to the end of the day, and as I hunched over the sink washing my face, praying for cold sheets and sleep, I'd realize I still had the whole love-making thing to do, and it was like, awesome, another daily chore.
But then it stopped being a chore, and became the moment of the day where I was most at peace. Where I could have an actual conversation with my husband and know he was listening to me and not secretly watching television or elbow deep in Lego assembly.
I told a few friends, and they reacted pretty much the same way, oh I could never do that. And I totally get it, but I actually learned a lot about myself between the sheets.
It's not you, it's me. Stop being weird about it.
So I disliked my stomach. My thighs. How I looked laying flat on my back. A myriad of irrational things, really, and I'd have the same conversation with Andy about it, telling him I'm self conscious and I just don't feel sexy, and then he'd spend 10 minutes telling me how gorgeous I am, and then another 30 minutes pouting and being hurt that it wasn't enough to make me change my mind. So on top of feeling insecure, I felt like a jerk. That needed to stop. I needed to explain to him that him seeing me that way is great, but unless I saw it too, it didn't count. I mean, at least if he expected me to be an active participant and not just a hole laying on the mattress. It took a lot of talking to make him realize that me not feeling sexy was not an attack on him, and him being hurt about it only made me feel worse. I wanted to enjoy sex, too. And the key for me being able to enjoy it is feeling confident and gorgeous, and that was a me journey, not a him journey, though having a cheerleader on the sidelines was a plus.
We quickly learned, confident Brittany sex is way better.
Pretty panties make me happy.
It's no secret that I love fashion and playing dress up, but I found that when I was at home in mom/wife/muggle/couch mode, I was opting for ease. And that's fine. Seriously, I am not some bitch here telling you to wear heels to the grocery store or pants to school pick up when you aren't even getting out of the car and it's a total waste of clean pants. But one day I was getting dressed for an outside wedding shower in 90 degree heat, and decided to forgo shapewear for regular underwear, when I realized the only underwear I owned was either ratty maternity underwear or cheap 99 cent briefs I grabbed at the end of a Walmart aisle to get me through my period week. No wonder I didn't feel sexy, I had the undergarments of an incontinent nursing home patient.
So I went to Cacique and stocked up on 5 for $25 panties. Some were plain and some were lacy, and when I wore them they looked so pretty across my hips. I'd even find myself walking from my closet to the bathroom wearing them, a stark contract to the primal run I did covered in a towel with my spanx shoved into a ball of clothes in my hands when I thought Andy wasn't paying attention.
I went back to buy more underwear, and even some cute lingerie that I tried on in the store and sent photos of to Andy at work. Needless to say, he was excited, but it was more than that. The effort I put into wearing the cute panties, even if they were under a pair of jeans or sweat shorts, made me feel insanely gorgeous, and my brain needed that.
I am my own sex advocate.
I like being on my knees and I'm not an inside climaxer, I'm an outside climaxer. I do like oral sex, but I don't like having my nipples touched, because they are numb. I also hate having breath on my neck because I am extremely ticklish, and then I get goosebumps and my leg hair grows in too fast. Please stop doing that.
All that? I had to work on being okay saying all that out loud, and get over the idea that I was being a selfish, demanding nympho. I deserve good sex as much as he does, and instead of waiting around for him to figure it out, which is totally unfair to guys by the way, I had to find my voice and use it.
Coincidentally, it was a major turn on. Who knew?
Now what, nympho?
We're not hell-bent on doing it every day anymore, but we definitely make more of an effort, and it helped us be a lot more open with each other. I mean, if you have "ball shaving" as a monthly google calendar alert, it's safe to say you're comfortable talking about almost anything.
Why have young people in Japan stopped having sex?
What happens to a country when its young people stop having sex? Japan is finding out… Abigail Haworth investigates
Japanese man and woman lean away from each other
Arm’s length: 45% of Japanese women aged 16-24 are ‘not interested in or despise sexual contact’. More than a quarter of men feel the same way. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner
Ai Aoyama is a sex and relationship counsellor who works out of her narrow three-storey home on a Tokyo back street. Her first name means "love" in Japanese, and is a keepsake from her earlier days as a professional dominatrix. Back then, about 15 years ago, she was Queen Ai, or Queen Love, and she did "all the usual things" like tying people up and dripping hot wax on their nipples. Her work today, she says, is far more challenging. Aoyama, 52, is trying to cure what Japan's media calls sekkusu shinai shokogun, or "celibacy syndrome".
Japan's under-40s appear to be losing interest in conventional relationships. Millions aren't even dating, and increasing numbers can't be bothered with sex. For their government, "celibacy syndrome" is part of a looming national catastrophe. Japan already has one of the world's lowest birth rates. Its population of 126 million, which has been shrinking for the past decade, is projected to plunge a further one-third by 2060. Aoyama believes the country is experiencing "a flight from human intimacy" – and it's partly the government's fault.
The sign outside her building says "Clinic". She greets me in yoga pants and fluffy animal slippers, cradling a Pekingese dog whom she introduces as Marilyn Monroe. In her business pamphlet, she offers up the gloriously random confidence that she visited North Korea in the 1990s and squeezed the testicles of a top army general. It doesn't say whether she was invited there specifically for that purpose, but the message to her clients is clear: she doesn't judge.
Inside, she takes me upstairs to her "relaxation room" – a bedroom with no furniture except a double futon. "It will be quiet in here," she says. Aoyama's first task with most of her clients is encouraging them "to stop apologising for their own physical existence".
The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61% of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
Sex counsellor Ai Aoyama with a client and her dog Learning to love: sex counsellor Ai Aoyama, with one of her clients and her dog Marilyn. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Picture
Many people who seek her out, says Aoyama, are deeply confused. "Some want a partner, some prefer being single, but few relate to normal love and marriage." However, the pressure to conform to Japan's anachronistic family model of salaryman husband and stay-at-home wife remains. "People don't know where to turn. They're coming to me because they think that, by wanting something different, there's something wrong with them."
Official alarmism doesn't help. Fewer babies were born here in 2012 than any year on record. (This was also the year, as the number of elderly people shoots up, that adult incontinence pants outsold baby nappies in Japan for the first time.) Kunio Kitamura, head of the JFPA, claims the demographic crisis is so serious that Japan "might eventually perish into extinction".
Japan's under-40s won't go forth and multiply out of duty, as postwar generations did. The country is undergoing major social transition after 20 years of economic stagnation. It is also battling against the effects on its already nuclear-destruction-scarred psyche of 2011's earthquake, tsunami and radioactive meltdown. There is no going back. "Both men and women say to me they don't see the point of love. They don't believe it can lead anywhere," says Aoyama. "Relationships have become too hard."
Marriage has become a minefield of unattractive choices. Japanese men have become less career-driven, and less solvent, as lifetime job security has waned. Japanese women have become more independent and ambitious. Yet conservative attitudes in the home and workplace persist. Japan's punishing corporate world makes it almost impossible for women to combine a career and family, while children are unaffordable unless both parents work. Cohabiting or unmarried parenthood is still unusual, dogged by bureaucratic disapproval.
Aoyama says the sexes, especially in Japan's giant cities, are "spiralling away from each other". Lacking long-term shared goals, many are turning to what she terms "Pot Noodle love" – easy or instant gratification, in the form of casual sex, short-term trysts and the usual technological suspects: online porn, virtual-reality "girlfriends", anime cartoons. Or else they're opting out altogether and replacing love and sex with other urban pastimes.
Some of Aoyama's clients are among the small minority who have taken social withdrawal to a pathological extreme. They are recovering hikikomori ("shut-ins" or recluses) taking the first steps to rejoining the outside world, otaku (geeks), and long-term parasaito shingurus (parasite singles) who have reached their mid-30s without managing to move out of home. (Of the estimated 13 million unmarried people in Japan who currently live with their parents, around three million are over the age of 35.) "A few people can't relate to the opposite sex physically or in any other way. They flinch if I touch them," she says. "Most are men, but I'm starting to see more women."
Young women shopping in Tokyo No sex in the city: (from left) friends Emi Kuwahata, 23, and Eri Asada, 22, shopping in Tokyo. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Pictures
Aoyama cites one man in his early 30s, a virgin, who can't get sexually aroused unless he watches female robots on a game similar to Power Rangers. "I use therapies, such as yoga and hypnosis, to relax him and help him to understand the way that real human bodies work." Sometimes, for an extra fee, she gets naked with her male clients – "strictly no intercourse" – to physically guide them around the female form. Keen to see her nation thrive, she likens her role in these cases to that of the Edo period courtesans, or oiran, who used to initiate samurai sons into the art of erotic pleasure.
Aversion to marriage and intimacy in modern life is not unique to Japan. Nor is growing preoccupation with digital technology. But what endless Japanese committees have failed to grasp when they stew over the country's procreation-shy youth is that, thanks to official shortsightedness, the decision to stay single often makes perfect sense. This is true for both sexes, but it's especially true for women. "Marriage is a woman's grave," goes an old Japanese saying that refers to wives being ignored in favour of mistresses. For Japanese women today, marriage is the grave of their hard-won careers.
I meet Eri Tomita, 32, over Saturday morning coffee in the smart Tokyo district of Ebisu. Tomita has a job she loves in the human resources department of a French-owned bank. A fluent French speaker with two university degrees, she avoids romantic attachments so she can focus on work. "A boyfriend proposed to me three years ago. I turned him down when I realised I cared more about my job. After that, I lost interest in dating. It became awkward when the question of the future came up."
Tomita says a woman's chances of promotion in Japan stop dead as soon as she marries. "The bosses assume you will get pregnant." Once a woman does have a child, she adds, the long, inflexible hours become unmanageable. "You have to resign. You end up being a housewife with no independent income. It's not an option for women like me."
Around 70% of Japanese women leave their jobs after their first child. The World Economic Forum consistently ranks Japan as one of the world's worst nations for gender equality at work. Social attitudes don't help. Married working women are sometimes demonised as oniyome, or "devil wives". In a telling Japanese ballet production of Bizet's Carmen a few years ago, Carmen was portrayed as a career woman who stole company secrets to get ahead and then framed her lowly security-guard lover José. Her end was not pretty.
Prime minister Shinzo Abe recently trumpeted long-overdue plans to increase female economic participation by improving conditions and daycare, but Tomita says things would have to improve "dramatically" to compel her to become a working wife and mother. "I have a great life. I go out with my girl friends – career women like me – to French and Italian restaurants. I buy stylish clothes and go on nice holidays. I love my independence."
Tomita sometimes has one-night stands with men she meets in bars, but she says sex is not a priority, either. "I often get asked out by married men in the office who want an affair. They assume I'm desperate because I'm single." She grimaces, then shrugs. "Mendokusai."
Mendokusai translates loosely as "Too troublesome" or "I can't be bothered". It's the word I hear both sexes use most often when they talk about their relationship phobia. Romantic commitment seems to represent burden and drudgery, from the exorbitant costs of buying property in Japan to the uncertain expectations of a spouse and in-laws. And the centuries-old belief that the purpose of marriage is to produce children endures. Japan's Institute of Population and Social Security reports an astonishing 90% of young women believe that staying single is "preferable to what they imagine marriage to be like".
Eri Tomita, 32, office worker in Tokyo 'I often get asked out by married men in the office who want an affair as I am single. But I can’t be bothered': Eri Tomita, 32. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Pictures
The sense of crushing obligation affects men just as much. Satoru Kishino, 31, belongs to a large tribe of men under 40 who are engaging in a kind of passive rebellion against traditional Japanese masculinity. Amid the recession and unsteady wages, men like Kishino feel that the pressure on them to be breadwinning economic warriors for a wife and family is unrealistic. They are rejecting the pursuit of both career and romantic success.
"It's too troublesome," says Kishino, when I ask why he's not interested in having a girlfriend. "I don't earn a huge salary to go on dates and I don't want the responsibility of a woman hoping it might lead to marriage." Japan's media, which has a name for every social kink, refers to men like Kishino as "herbivores" or soshoku danshi (literally, "grass-eating men"). Kishino says he doesn't mind the label because it's become so commonplace. He defines it as "a heterosexual man for whom relationships and sex are unimportant".
The phenomenon emerged a few years ago with the airing of a Japanese manga-turned-TV show. The lead character in Otomen ("Girly Men") was a tall martial arts champion, the king of tough-guy cool. Secretly, he loved baking cakes, collecting "pink sparkly things" and knitting clothes for his stuffed animals. To the tooth-sucking horror of Japan's corporate elders, the show struck a powerful chord with the generation they spawned.
Satoru Kishino, 31 ‘I find women attractive but I’ve learned to live without sex. Emotional entanglements are too complicated’: Satoru Kishino, 31. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Pictures
Kishino, who works at a fashion accessories company as a designer and manager, doesn't knit. But he does like cooking and cycling, and platonic friendships. "I find some of my female friends attractive but I've learned to live without sex. Emotional entanglements are too complicated," he says. "I can't be bothered."
Romantic apathy aside, Kishino, like Tomita, says he enjoys his active single life. Ironically, the salaryman system that produced such segregated marital roles – wives inside the home, husbands at work for 20 hours a day – also created an ideal environment for solo living. Japan's cities are full of conveniences made for one, from stand-up noodle bars to capsule hotels to the ubiquitous konbini (convenience stores), with their shelves of individually wrapped rice balls and disposable underwear. These things originally evolved for salarymen on the go, but there are now female-only cafés, hotel floors and even the odd apartment block. And Japan's cities are extraordinarily crime-free.
Some experts believe the flight from marriage is not merely a rejection of outdated norms and gender roles. It could be a long-term state of affairs. "Remaining single was once the ultimate personal failure," says Tomomi Yamaguchi, a Japanese-born assistant professor of anthropology at Montana State University in America. "But more people are finding they prefer it." Being single by choice is becoming, she believes, "a new reality".
Is Japan providing a glimpse of all our futures? Many of the shifts there are occurring in other advanced nations, too. Across urban Asia, Europe and America, people are marrying later or not at all, birth rates are falling, single-occupant households are on the rise and, in countries where economic recession is worst, young people are living at home. But demographer Nicholas Eberstadt argues that a distinctive set of factors is accelerating these trends in Japan. These factors include the lack of a religious authority that ordains marriage and family, the country's precarious earthquake-prone ecology that engenders feelings of futility, and the high cost of living and raising children.
"Gradually but relentlessly, Japan is evolving into a type of society whose contours and workings have only been contemplated in science fiction," Eberstadt wrote last year. With a vast army of older people and an ever-dwindling younger generation, Japan may become a "pioneer people" where individuals who never marry exist in significant numbers, he said.
Japan's 20-somethings are the age group to watch. Most are still too young to have concrete future plans, but projections for them are already laid out. According to the government's population institute, women in their early 20s today have a one-in-four chance of never marrying. Their chances of remaining childless are even higher: almost 40%.
They don't seem concerned. Emi Kuwahata, 23, and her friend, Eri Asada, 22, meet me in the shopping district of Shibuya. The café they choose is beneath an art gallery near the train station, wedged in an alley between pachinko pinball parlours and adult video shops. Kuwahata, a fashion graduate, is in a casual relationship with a man 13 years her senior. "We meet once a week to go clubbing," she says. "I don't have time for a regular boyfriend. I'm trying to become a fashion designer." Asada, who studied economics, has no interest in love. "I gave up dating three years ago. I don't miss boyfriends or sex. I don't even like holding hands."
Asada insists nothing happened to put her off physical contact. She just doesn't want a relationship and casual sex is not a good option, she says, because "girls can't have flings without being judged". Although Japan is sexually permissive, the current fantasy ideal for women under 25 is impossibly cute and virginal. Double standards abound.
In the Japan Family Planning Association's 2013 study on sex among young people, there was far more data on men than women. I asked the association's head, Kunio Kitamura, why. "Sexual drive comes from males," said the man who advises the government. "Females do not experience the same levels of desire."
Over iced tea served by skinny-jeaned boys with meticulously tousled hair, Asada and Kuwahata say they share the usual singleton passions of clothes, music and shopping, and have hectic social lives. But, smart phones in hand, they also admit they spend far more time communicating with their friends via online social networks than seeing them in the flesh. Asada adds she's spent "the past two years" obsessed with a virtual game that lets her act as a manager of a sweet shop.
Japanese-American author Roland Kelts, who writes about Japan's youth, says it's inevitable that the future of Japanese relationships will be largely technology driven. "Japan has developed incredibly sophisticated virtual worlds and online communication systems. Its smart phone apps are the world's most imaginative." Kelts says the need to escape into private, virtual worlds in Japan stems from the fact that it's an overcrowded nation with limited physical space. But he also believes the rest of the world is not far behind.
Getting back to basics, former dominatrix Ai Aoyama – Queen Love – is determined to educate her clients on the value of "skin-to-skin, heart-to-heart" intimacy. She accepts that technology will shape the future, but says society must ensure it doesn't take over. "It's not healthy that people are becoming so physically disconnected from each other," she says. "Sex with another person is a human need that produces feel-good hormones and helps people to function better in their daily lives."
Aoyama says she sees daily that people crave human warmth, even if they don't want the hassle of marriage or a long-term relationship. She berates the government for "making it hard for single people to live however they want" and for "whipping up fear about the falling birth rate". Whipping up fear in people, she says, doesn't help anyone. And that's from a woman who knows a bit about whipping.
Arm’s length: 45% of Japanese women aged 16-24 are ‘not interested in or despise sexual contact’. More than a quarter of men feel the same way. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner
Ai Aoyama is a sex and relationship counsellor who works out of her narrow three-storey home on a Tokyo back street. Her first name means "love" in Japanese, and is a keepsake from her earlier days as a professional dominatrix. Back then, about 15 years ago, she was Queen Ai, or Queen Love, and she did "all the usual things" like tying people up and dripping hot wax on their nipples. Her work today, she says, is far more challenging. Aoyama, 52, is trying to cure what Japan's media calls sekkusu shinai shokogun, or "celibacy syndrome".
Japan's under-40s appear to be losing interest in conventional relationships. Millions aren't even dating, and increasing numbers can't be bothered with sex. For their government, "celibacy syndrome" is part of a looming national catastrophe. Japan already has one of the world's lowest birth rates. Its population of 126 million, which has been shrinking for the past decade, is projected to plunge a further one-third by 2060. Aoyama believes the country is experiencing "a flight from human intimacy" – and it's partly the government's fault.
The sign outside her building says "Clinic". She greets me in yoga pants and fluffy animal slippers, cradling a Pekingese dog whom she introduces as Marilyn Monroe. In her business pamphlet, she offers up the gloriously random confidence that she visited North Korea in the 1990s and squeezed the testicles of a top army general. It doesn't say whether she was invited there specifically for that purpose, but the message to her clients is clear: she doesn't judge.
Inside, she takes me upstairs to her "relaxation room" – a bedroom with no furniture except a double futon. "It will be quiet in here," she says. Aoyama's first task with most of her clients is encouraging them "to stop apologising for their own physical existence".
The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61% of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
Sex counsellor Ai Aoyama with a client and her dog Learning to love: sex counsellor Ai Aoyama, with one of her clients and her dog Marilyn. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Picture
Many people who seek her out, says Aoyama, are deeply confused. "Some want a partner, some prefer being single, but few relate to normal love and marriage." However, the pressure to conform to Japan's anachronistic family model of salaryman husband and stay-at-home wife remains. "People don't know where to turn. They're coming to me because they think that, by wanting something different, there's something wrong with them."
Official alarmism doesn't help. Fewer babies were born here in 2012 than any year on record. (This was also the year, as the number of elderly people shoots up, that adult incontinence pants outsold baby nappies in Japan for the first time.) Kunio Kitamura, head of the JFPA, claims the demographic crisis is so serious that Japan "might eventually perish into extinction".
Japan's under-40s won't go forth and multiply out of duty, as postwar generations did. The country is undergoing major social transition after 20 years of economic stagnation. It is also battling against the effects on its already nuclear-destruction-scarred psyche of 2011's earthquake, tsunami and radioactive meltdown. There is no going back. "Both men and women say to me they don't see the point of love. They don't believe it can lead anywhere," says Aoyama. "Relationships have become too hard."
Marriage has become a minefield of unattractive choices. Japanese men have become less career-driven, and less solvent, as lifetime job security has waned. Japanese women have become more independent and ambitious. Yet conservative attitudes in the home and workplace persist. Japan's punishing corporate world makes it almost impossible for women to combine a career and family, while children are unaffordable unless both parents work. Cohabiting or unmarried parenthood is still unusual, dogged by bureaucratic disapproval.
Aoyama says the sexes, especially in Japan's giant cities, are "spiralling away from each other". Lacking long-term shared goals, many are turning to what she terms "Pot Noodle love" – easy or instant gratification, in the form of casual sex, short-term trysts and the usual technological suspects: online porn, virtual-reality "girlfriends", anime cartoons. Or else they're opting out altogether and replacing love and sex with other urban pastimes.
Some of Aoyama's clients are among the small minority who have taken social withdrawal to a pathological extreme. They are recovering hikikomori ("shut-ins" or recluses) taking the first steps to rejoining the outside world, otaku (geeks), and long-term parasaito shingurus (parasite singles) who have reached their mid-30s without managing to move out of home. (Of the estimated 13 million unmarried people in Japan who currently live with their parents, around three million are over the age of 35.) "A few people can't relate to the opposite sex physically or in any other way. They flinch if I touch them," she says. "Most are men, but I'm starting to see more women."
Young women shopping in Tokyo No sex in the city: (from left) friends Emi Kuwahata, 23, and Eri Asada, 22, shopping in Tokyo. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Pictures
Aoyama cites one man in his early 30s, a virgin, who can't get sexually aroused unless he watches female robots on a game similar to Power Rangers. "I use therapies, such as yoga and hypnosis, to relax him and help him to understand the way that real human bodies work." Sometimes, for an extra fee, she gets naked with her male clients – "strictly no intercourse" – to physically guide them around the female form. Keen to see her nation thrive, she likens her role in these cases to that of the Edo period courtesans, or oiran, who used to initiate samurai sons into the art of erotic pleasure.
Aversion to marriage and intimacy in modern life is not unique to Japan. Nor is growing preoccupation with digital technology. But what endless Japanese committees have failed to grasp when they stew over the country's procreation-shy youth is that, thanks to official shortsightedness, the decision to stay single often makes perfect sense. This is true for both sexes, but it's especially true for women. "Marriage is a woman's grave," goes an old Japanese saying that refers to wives being ignored in favour of mistresses. For Japanese women today, marriage is the grave of their hard-won careers.
I meet Eri Tomita, 32, over Saturday morning coffee in the smart Tokyo district of Ebisu. Tomita has a job she loves in the human resources department of a French-owned bank. A fluent French speaker with two university degrees, she avoids romantic attachments so she can focus on work. "A boyfriend proposed to me three years ago. I turned him down when I realised I cared more about my job. After that, I lost interest in dating. It became awkward when the question of the future came up."
Tomita says a woman's chances of promotion in Japan stop dead as soon as she marries. "The bosses assume you will get pregnant." Once a woman does have a child, she adds, the long, inflexible hours become unmanageable. "You have to resign. You end up being a housewife with no independent income. It's not an option for women like me."
Around 70% of Japanese women leave their jobs after their first child. The World Economic Forum consistently ranks Japan as one of the world's worst nations for gender equality at work. Social attitudes don't help. Married working women are sometimes demonised as oniyome, or "devil wives". In a telling Japanese ballet production of Bizet's Carmen a few years ago, Carmen was portrayed as a career woman who stole company secrets to get ahead and then framed her lowly security-guard lover José. Her end was not pretty.
Prime minister Shinzo Abe recently trumpeted long-overdue plans to increase female economic participation by improving conditions and daycare, but Tomita says things would have to improve "dramatically" to compel her to become a working wife and mother. "I have a great life. I go out with my girl friends – career women like me – to French and Italian restaurants. I buy stylish clothes and go on nice holidays. I love my independence."
Tomita sometimes has one-night stands with men she meets in bars, but she says sex is not a priority, either. "I often get asked out by married men in the office who want an affair. They assume I'm desperate because I'm single." She grimaces, then shrugs. "Mendokusai."
Mendokusai translates loosely as "Too troublesome" or "I can't be bothered". It's the word I hear both sexes use most often when they talk about their relationship phobia. Romantic commitment seems to represent burden and drudgery, from the exorbitant costs of buying property in Japan to the uncertain expectations of a spouse and in-laws. And the centuries-old belief that the purpose of marriage is to produce children endures. Japan's Institute of Population and Social Security reports an astonishing 90% of young women believe that staying single is "preferable to what they imagine marriage to be like".
Eri Tomita, 32, office worker in Tokyo 'I often get asked out by married men in the office who want an affair as I am single. But I can’t be bothered': Eri Tomita, 32. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Pictures
The sense of crushing obligation affects men just as much. Satoru Kishino, 31, belongs to a large tribe of men under 40 who are engaging in a kind of passive rebellion against traditional Japanese masculinity. Amid the recession and unsteady wages, men like Kishino feel that the pressure on them to be breadwinning economic warriors for a wife and family is unrealistic. They are rejecting the pursuit of both career and romantic success.
"It's too troublesome," says Kishino, when I ask why he's not interested in having a girlfriend. "I don't earn a huge salary to go on dates and I don't want the responsibility of a woman hoping it might lead to marriage." Japan's media, which has a name for every social kink, refers to men like Kishino as "herbivores" or soshoku danshi (literally, "grass-eating men"). Kishino says he doesn't mind the label because it's become so commonplace. He defines it as "a heterosexual man for whom relationships and sex are unimportant".
The phenomenon emerged a few years ago with the airing of a Japanese manga-turned-TV show. The lead character in Otomen ("Girly Men") was a tall martial arts champion, the king of tough-guy cool. Secretly, he loved baking cakes, collecting "pink sparkly things" and knitting clothes for his stuffed animals. To the tooth-sucking horror of Japan's corporate elders, the show struck a powerful chord with the generation they spawned.
Satoru Kishino, 31 ‘I find women attractive but I’ve learned to live without sex. Emotional entanglements are too complicated’: Satoru Kishino, 31. Photograph: Eric Rechsteiner/Panos Pictures
Kishino, who works at a fashion accessories company as a designer and manager, doesn't knit. But he does like cooking and cycling, and platonic friendships. "I find some of my female friends attractive but I've learned to live without sex. Emotional entanglements are too complicated," he says. "I can't be bothered."
Romantic apathy aside, Kishino, like Tomita, says he enjoys his active single life. Ironically, the salaryman system that produced such segregated marital roles – wives inside the home, husbands at work for 20 hours a day – also created an ideal environment for solo living. Japan's cities are full of conveniences made for one, from stand-up noodle bars to capsule hotels to the ubiquitous konbini (convenience stores), with their shelves of individually wrapped rice balls and disposable underwear. These things originally evolved for salarymen on the go, but there are now female-only cafés, hotel floors and even the odd apartment block. And Japan's cities are extraordinarily crime-free.
Some experts believe the flight from marriage is not merely a rejection of outdated norms and gender roles. It could be a long-term state of affairs. "Remaining single was once the ultimate personal failure," says Tomomi Yamaguchi, a Japanese-born assistant professor of anthropology at Montana State University in America. "But more people are finding they prefer it." Being single by choice is becoming, she believes, "a new reality".
Is Japan providing a glimpse of all our futures? Many of the shifts there are occurring in other advanced nations, too. Across urban Asia, Europe and America, people are marrying later or not at all, birth rates are falling, single-occupant households are on the rise and, in countries where economic recession is worst, young people are living at home. But demographer Nicholas Eberstadt argues that a distinctive set of factors is accelerating these trends in Japan. These factors include the lack of a religious authority that ordains marriage and family, the country's precarious earthquake-prone ecology that engenders feelings of futility, and the high cost of living and raising children.
"Gradually but relentlessly, Japan is evolving into a type of society whose contours and workings have only been contemplated in science fiction," Eberstadt wrote last year. With a vast army of older people and an ever-dwindling younger generation, Japan may become a "pioneer people" where individuals who never marry exist in significant numbers, he said.
Japan's 20-somethings are the age group to watch. Most are still too young to have concrete future plans, but projections for them are already laid out. According to the government's population institute, women in their early 20s today have a one-in-four chance of never marrying. Their chances of remaining childless are even higher: almost 40%.
They don't seem concerned. Emi Kuwahata, 23, and her friend, Eri Asada, 22, meet me in the shopping district of Shibuya. The café they choose is beneath an art gallery near the train station, wedged in an alley between pachinko pinball parlours and adult video shops. Kuwahata, a fashion graduate, is in a casual relationship with a man 13 years her senior. "We meet once a week to go clubbing," she says. "I don't have time for a regular boyfriend. I'm trying to become a fashion designer." Asada, who studied economics, has no interest in love. "I gave up dating three years ago. I don't miss boyfriends or sex. I don't even like holding hands."
Asada insists nothing happened to put her off physical contact. She just doesn't want a relationship and casual sex is not a good option, she says, because "girls can't have flings without being judged". Although Japan is sexually permissive, the current fantasy ideal for women under 25 is impossibly cute and virginal. Double standards abound.
In the Japan Family Planning Association's 2013 study on sex among young people, there was far more data on men than women. I asked the association's head, Kunio Kitamura, why. "Sexual drive comes from males," said the man who advises the government. "Females do not experience the same levels of desire."
Over iced tea served by skinny-jeaned boys with meticulously tousled hair, Asada and Kuwahata say they share the usual singleton passions of clothes, music and shopping, and have hectic social lives. But, smart phones in hand, they also admit they spend far more time communicating with their friends via online social networks than seeing them in the flesh. Asada adds she's spent "the past two years" obsessed with a virtual game that lets her act as a manager of a sweet shop.
Japanese-American author Roland Kelts, who writes about Japan's youth, says it's inevitable that the future of Japanese relationships will be largely technology driven. "Japan has developed incredibly sophisticated virtual worlds and online communication systems. Its smart phone apps are the world's most imaginative." Kelts says the need to escape into private, virtual worlds in Japan stems from the fact that it's an overcrowded nation with limited physical space. But he also believes the rest of the world is not far behind.
Getting back to basics, former dominatrix Ai Aoyama – Queen Love – is determined to educate her clients on the value of "skin-to-skin, heart-to-heart" intimacy. She accepts that technology will shape the future, but says society must ensure it doesn't take over. "It's not healthy that people are becoming so physically disconnected from each other," she says. "Sex with another person is a human need that produces feel-good hormones and helps people to function better in their daily lives."
Aoyama says she sees daily that people crave human warmth, even if they don't want the hassle of marriage or a long-term relationship. She berates the government for "making it hard for single people to live however they want" and for "whipping up fear about the falling birth rate". Whipping up fear in people, she says, doesn't help anyone. And that's from a woman who knows a bit about whipping.
Saturday 19 October 2013
Thursday 10 October 2013
छोरीलाई धेरै संग सेक्स गर्न यसरि सघाउछन
बिश्वका कयौ देशमा आज पनि बिबाह अघि यौन सम्बन्ध बनाउन सामाजिक मूल्य र मान्यता बिपरित हुन्छ | कुनै पनि बाबु आमा चाहन्नन् कि उनीहरुको छोरीको बिहे भन्दा अघि कसै संग शारीरिक सम्बन्ध होस् | तर कम्बोडियामा एउटा यस्तो गाउँ छ जहाँ आफ्नो छोरीलाई यौन सम्पर्क गर्नको बाबु आमा नै उक्साउछन् | बाबु आमाले नै छोरी अरु संग सम्बन्ध राखोस भन्ने चाहन्छन र छोरीको लागि छुट्टै झुपडी( सेक्स हट , लब हट)बनाइदिने गर्दछन जसले गर्दा छोरी अरु संग रात बिताउन सकोस | जानकारी अनुसार देशको उत्तर पश्चिममा रहेको रियांग आदिवासी समुदायमा महिलाहरुलाइ जति पनि पुरुष संग यौन सम्बन्ध राख्न छुट छ | उनीहरुको बिश्वाश छ कि जति धेरै जना संग यौन सबन्ध राख्यो त्यति नै महिलाहरुको शारीरिक बिकाश राम्रो हुन्छ | त्यसैले बाबुआमाले नै छोरीलाई झुपडी( Love Hut/Sex Hut) बनाइदिन्छन र छोरीलाई उक्त झुपडीमा रात बिताउन र आफ्नो मन पने केटा संग यौनक्रीडा गर्न छुट दिन्छन | पहिला यहा धेरै पुरुष संग यौन गर्ने र आफ्नो श्रीमान छान्ने परम्परा थियो | यहाको सेक्स गरेर लोग्ने खोज्ने यो परम्परा नै यहाका बासिन्दालाइ धेरै राम्रो लाग्थ्यो | यस्सरी धेरै जना संग यौन सम्पर्क गर्दा गर्भ बस्दथ्यो र गर्भ बसेको थाहा भएपछि रक्सि(alcohol)मा खजुरो (centipede ) मिलाई ककटेल(cocktail ) बनाउथे र त्यहि खुवाएर गर्भ तुहाउने गर्दथे |
तर अहिले समय निक्कै बदलिएको छ | त्यहाका बाबु आमाले त्यो पुरानो रिति कायमै राखे पनि अब गर्भ तुहाउने काम गर्नु भन्दा छोरीहरुलाई त्यो घर मा नै कण्डम प्याकेटको व्यवस्था गरिदिने गर्दछन | १७ बर्षकी नाङ चान (Nang Chan) आफ्नो मातापिताको घर पछाडिको पिरतिको झुपडीमा बस्छिन् | उनि भन्छन कम उमेरमै आफुले मन पराएको केटा संग सेक्स गर्न पाउनु भनेको अरु महिला जत्तिकै ससक्त हुनु हो|यो झुपडी हामीलाई स्वतन्त्रता प्रदान गर्नको लागि निक्कै राम्रो तरिका बनेको छ, जसको कारणले हामीले आफ्नो सच्चा प्रेमी पत्त लगाउन सक्छौं | यहि कोहि बिशेष व्यक्ति भेटियो भने हामी एक अर्कासंग प्रेम गर्छौ, र त्यहि झुपडीमा सेक्स गर्छौ
तर अहिले समय निक्कै बदलिएको छ | त्यहाका बाबु आमाले त्यो पुरानो रिति कायमै राखे पनि अब गर्भ तुहाउने काम गर्नु भन्दा छोरीहरुलाई त्यो घर मा नै कण्डम प्याकेटको व्यवस्था गरिदिने गर्दछन | १७ बर्षकी नाङ चान (Nang Chan) आफ्नो मातापिताको घर पछाडिको पिरतिको झुपडीमा बस्छिन् | उनि भन्छन कम उमेरमै आफुले मन पराएको केटा संग सेक्स गर्न पाउनु भनेको अरु महिला जत्तिकै ससक्त हुनु हो|यो झुपडी हामीलाई स्वतन्त्रता प्रदान गर्नको लागि निक्कै राम्रो तरिका बनेको छ, जसको कारणले हामीले आफ्नो सच्चा प्रेमी पत्त लगाउन सक्छौं | यहि कोहि बिशेष व्यक्ति भेटियो भने हामी एक अर्कासंग प्रेम गर्छौ, र त्यहि झुपडीमा सेक्स गर्छौ
सेक्सी पुरुष भएका दश सहर
सुन्दरता वा कामुकता भन्ने बित्तिकै धेरैले तरुनी युवतीहरुको अनुहार सम्भिmन्छन् । तर कामुकता वा सेक्सीपना केवल महिलाको मात्र विशेषता होइन, यो पुरुषको पनि गुण हो । खासमा पुरुषको सेक्सीपनाको अनुभुति महिलाले बढि गर्छन् ।
विश्वमा कुन देशका महिला बढि सुन्दर होलान् भन्नेबारेमा धेरै प्रकारका अध्ययन अनुगमन भएपनि कामुक पुरुषले धनी देश वा सहरहरुको बारेमा पनि सुनिएको थिएन । तर हालै एक गरिएको एउटा अध्ययनले सेक्सी पुरुष भएका विश्वका टप टेन सहरहरुको नामावली सार्वजनिक गरेको छ ।
अध्ययनले विश्वमा सबैभन्दा सेक्सी तथा सुन्दर पुरुष भएको सहर स्विडेनको स्टकहोम हो । ह्यान्डी ट्राभलर्स गाइडका अनुसार अरु प्राकृतिक सुन्दरताको साथै स्टकहोम सेक्सी पुरुषहरुको पनि खानी भएकाले उक्त सहर महिला भ्रमणकारीको लागि निकै उत्कृष्ट गन्तव्य बन्नसक्छ । स्विडेनका सेक्सी पुरुषको कुरा टीभी सिरियलका अभिनेता अलेक्जेन्डर स्कारगार्ड तथा फुटबलर प|mेन्डी जुंगवर्ग अब्बल ठहरिएका छन् ।
सेक्सी पुरुष भएको सहरको दोश्रो स्थानमा अमेरिकाको न्युयोर्क परेको छ । त्यस्तै तेश्रो स्थानमा नेदरल्याण्डको एम्स्टर्डम, चौथो स्थानमा पोर्चुगलको लिसबन तथा पाँचौँ स्थानमा अर्जेन्टिनाको ब्युनर्स आयर्स परेका छन् ।
सेक्सी पुरुषका धनी सहरहरुको छैटौँ स्थानमा अस्ट्रेलियाको सिड्नी, सातौँ स्थानमा स्पेनको म्याडि्रड, आठौँ स्थानमा जर्मनीको बर्लिन, नवौँ स्थानमा इटालीको मिलान तथा दशौँ स्थानमा इजरायलको तेल अभिभ परेका छन् ।
अध्ययन अनुसार बेलायती पुरुषहरुलाई भने पर्यटक महिलाले खासै नरुचाउने गरेका छन् ।
विश्वमा कुन देशका महिला बढि सुन्दर होलान् भन्नेबारेमा धेरै प्रकारका अध्ययन अनुगमन भएपनि कामुक पुरुषले धनी देश वा सहरहरुको बारेमा पनि सुनिएको थिएन । तर हालै एक गरिएको एउटा अध्ययनले सेक्सी पुरुष भएका विश्वका टप टेन सहरहरुको नामावली सार्वजनिक गरेको छ ।
अध्ययनले विश्वमा सबैभन्दा सेक्सी तथा सुन्दर पुरुष भएको सहर स्विडेनको स्टकहोम हो । ह्यान्डी ट्राभलर्स गाइडका अनुसार अरु प्राकृतिक सुन्दरताको साथै स्टकहोम सेक्सी पुरुषहरुको पनि खानी भएकाले उक्त सहर महिला भ्रमणकारीको लागि निकै उत्कृष्ट गन्तव्य बन्नसक्छ । स्विडेनका सेक्सी पुरुषको कुरा टीभी सिरियलका अभिनेता अलेक्जेन्डर स्कारगार्ड तथा फुटबलर प|mेन्डी जुंगवर्ग अब्बल ठहरिएका छन् ।
सेक्सी पुरुष भएको सहरको दोश्रो स्थानमा अमेरिकाको न्युयोर्क परेको छ । त्यस्तै तेश्रो स्थानमा नेदरल्याण्डको एम्स्टर्डम, चौथो स्थानमा पोर्चुगलको लिसबन तथा पाँचौँ स्थानमा अर्जेन्टिनाको ब्युनर्स आयर्स परेका छन् ।
सेक्सी पुरुषका धनी सहरहरुको छैटौँ स्थानमा अस्ट्रेलियाको सिड्नी, सातौँ स्थानमा स्पेनको म्याडि्रड, आठौँ स्थानमा जर्मनीको बर्लिन, नवौँ स्थानमा इटालीको मिलान तथा दशौँ स्थानमा इजरायलको तेल अभिभ परेका छन् ।
अध्ययन अनुसार बेलायती पुरुषहरुलाई भने पर्यटक महिलाले खासै नरुचाउने गरेका छन् ।
यौन शिक्षाबारे जनचेतना फैलाउन महिलाहरू सक्रिय
तुलसीपुर -दाङ- यौन रोग र एचआइभी सङ्क्रमण रोकथाम गर्ने र यौन शिक्षाबारेमा जनचेतना फैलाउन अहिले दाङका ग्रामीण समुदायमा पनि यहाँका महिलाहरू सक्रिय भएर लागेका छन् ।यौन रोग र एचआइभी/एड्सबाट बच्ने उपाय र समाजमा रहेको गलत बुझाई हटाउने उद्देश्यले आफूहरूले यौन शिक्षा दिँदै गाउँमा हिँड्ने गरेको उनीहरू बताउँछिन् ।यौनका कुरा गर्ने वित्तिकै लाजले मुख छोप्दै छलफल गर्न नै नचाहने पश्चिम दाङको हेकुलीकी पार्वती डिसी अहिले गाउँमा अरुलाई यौन शिक्षाबारे शिक्षा दिँदै हिँड्ने गरेकी छन् ।सामुदायिक वन समितिका कार्यक्रम हुन या महिला समूहका बैठक, विभिन्न सङ्घ संस्थाका कार्यक्रमनै किन नहुन पार्वती सहभागीका बीच यौन रोग, एचआइभी/एड्स र यसबाट बच्ने उपायबारे खुलस्त कुरा गर्छिन् ।
रोग लाग्न नदिन सुरक्षित यौन व्यवहार गर्नुपर्ने, जथाभावी र्सुइहरूको प्रयोग नगर्ने, रगत लिँदा/दिँदा राम्ररी परीक्षण गर्नेलगायतका कुरा भन्न उनी कहिँल्यैपछि पर्दिनन् । साथै कण्डमको प्रयोग, यौन रोग र एचआइभी सङ्क्रमित हुनबाट बचाउने साधन भएको उनी बताउँछिन् ।त्यसै दाङ हेकुलीकी चनचनबती चौधरी पनि यौन रोग र एचआइभी /एड्सबारे अहिले पश्चिम दाङको श्री गाउँमा खुलेर जनचेतना फैलाउने गरिरहेकी छन् । आफूले सुरुमा यौन शिक्षाको विषयमा कुरा सुन्नै हिच्कियाएको उनी अहिले आफ्नो अनुभव सुनाउँछिन- पाको उमेर भएकाहरूसँग अलि लाज लाग्छ, किशोरकिशोरी र महिलाहरू मात्रै भएको ठाउँमा यौन रोग र एचआइभी/एड्सबारे खुलेर नै बताउने गरेको बताउँछिन् । करिब तीन वर्षपहिलेदेखि दाङ प्लसमा आवद्ध चौधरीले आजभोलि काममा जान सहज भएको र आफूलाई पुरुषहरूसँग छलफल गर्ने सहज लागे पनि उनीहरू नै लजाएपछि अप्ठेरो महसुस हुने उनको अनुभव छ । बालबालिकाका आमाहरू भन्दा युवतीहरूले समस्या लुकाउने गरेको उनी बताउँछिन् ।युवतीहरू धेरै कुरा लुकाउँछन्, एक्लै गोप्य ठाउँमा भए मात्र वा रोगले ग्रस्त भएमा मात्र बाध्य भएर कुरा खोल्ने गरेको उनले आफ्नो अनुभव सुनाइन् ।चौधरीले गाउँमा महिला समूहको बैठकमा यौन शिक्षाको विषयमा बताएपछि यौनीबाट सेतो पानी बग्ने समस्याबाट पीडित भएका करिब एक दर्जन महिला पश्चिम दाङको दाङ प्लस टपिङ्ग सेन्टरमा उपचार गराएको पनि बताइन् ।पार्वती र चनचनबती मात्र होइन आजभोलि पश्चिम दाङका एक दर्जनभन्दा बढी महिला ग्रामीण समुदायमा यौन शिक्षा, एचआइभी/एड्सजस्ता रोगको बारेमा खुलेर बहस गरिरहेका देखिन्छन् । यी महिलाहरूले समूहका अगुवा महिलाहरूलाई जम्मा गराएर जनचेतना फैलाउँछन् भने त्यहाँ सहभागी भएका महिलाहरूले अरु महिलाहरूलाई त्यसबारेमा जानकारी गराउने गरेको पनि उनीहरू बताउँछिन् ।
तर विडम्बना यौन शिक्षाको विषयमा र्सवसाधारणलाई बुझाउँदै हिँड्दा कतिपयले गलत किसिमले हेरिदिँदा दुःख लाग्ने र आफूहरूलाई यौन व्यवसायमा संलग्न वा एचआइभी सङ्क्रमित भनेर कतिपयले कुरा काट्ने गरेकोमा उनीहरूको दुःखेसो छ । दाङ प्लस श्रीगाउँ टपिङ्ग सेन्टरकी परामर्शदाता सीता पोख्रेलका अनुसार गोप्यरूपमा मात्र सेन्टरमा परामर्श लिन चाहन्छन् । उनका अनुसार त्यस स्थानमा कार्यालय खुलेको तीन महिनाको अवधिमा ३०० भन्दा बढीले सल्लाह लिइसकेका छन् ।प्रायजसो विदेशबाट फर्किएका महिला पुरुषहरू समस्या बताउन आउने गरेको र केहीमा सक्रमण देखिएको पनि उनले जानकारी दिइन् । उनी भन्छिन्-यौन सिक्षालाई अन्य शिक्षा सरह सहज र खुल्ला बनाई सबैलाई सचेत बनाउन सके यौन रोग र एचआइभी/एड्स नियन्त्रण गर्ने सकिने छ । साथै यौन सर्म्पर्कबाट मात्र यो रोग र्सछ भन्ने भ्रमबाट मुक्त गर्न सके पनि र्सवसाधारण परामर्श लिन र उपचार गर्न सहज रूपमा आउने उनको तर्क छ ।
रोग लाग्न नदिन सुरक्षित यौन व्यवहार गर्नुपर्ने, जथाभावी र्सुइहरूको प्रयोग नगर्ने, रगत लिँदा/दिँदा राम्ररी परीक्षण गर्नेलगायतका कुरा भन्न उनी कहिँल्यैपछि पर्दिनन् । साथै कण्डमको प्रयोग, यौन रोग र एचआइभी सङ्क्रमित हुनबाट बचाउने साधन भएको उनी बताउँछिन् ।त्यसै दाङ हेकुलीकी चनचनबती चौधरी पनि यौन रोग र एचआइभी /एड्सबारे अहिले पश्चिम दाङको श्री गाउँमा खुलेर जनचेतना फैलाउने गरिरहेकी छन् । आफूले सुरुमा यौन शिक्षाको विषयमा कुरा सुन्नै हिच्कियाएको उनी अहिले आफ्नो अनुभव सुनाउँछिन- पाको उमेर भएकाहरूसँग अलि लाज लाग्छ, किशोरकिशोरी र महिलाहरू मात्रै भएको ठाउँमा यौन रोग र एचआइभी/एड्सबारे खुलेर नै बताउने गरेको बताउँछिन् । करिब तीन वर्षपहिलेदेखि दाङ प्लसमा आवद्ध चौधरीले आजभोलि काममा जान सहज भएको र आफूलाई पुरुषहरूसँग छलफल गर्ने सहज लागे पनि उनीहरू नै लजाएपछि अप्ठेरो महसुस हुने उनको अनुभव छ । बालबालिकाका आमाहरू भन्दा युवतीहरूले समस्या लुकाउने गरेको उनी बताउँछिन् ।युवतीहरू धेरै कुरा लुकाउँछन्, एक्लै गोप्य ठाउँमा भए मात्र वा रोगले ग्रस्त भएमा मात्र बाध्य भएर कुरा खोल्ने गरेको उनले आफ्नो अनुभव सुनाइन् ।चौधरीले गाउँमा महिला समूहको बैठकमा यौन शिक्षाको विषयमा बताएपछि यौनीबाट सेतो पानी बग्ने समस्याबाट पीडित भएका करिब एक दर्जन महिला पश्चिम दाङको दाङ प्लस टपिङ्ग सेन्टरमा उपचार गराएको पनि बताइन् ।पार्वती र चनचनबती मात्र होइन आजभोलि पश्चिम दाङका एक दर्जनभन्दा बढी महिला ग्रामीण समुदायमा यौन शिक्षा, एचआइभी/एड्सजस्ता रोगको बारेमा खुलेर बहस गरिरहेका देखिन्छन् । यी महिलाहरूले समूहका अगुवा महिलाहरूलाई जम्मा गराएर जनचेतना फैलाउँछन् भने त्यहाँ सहभागी भएका महिलाहरूले अरु महिलाहरूलाई त्यसबारेमा जानकारी गराउने गरेको पनि उनीहरू बताउँछिन् ।
तर विडम्बना यौन शिक्षाको विषयमा र्सवसाधारणलाई बुझाउँदै हिँड्दा कतिपयले गलत किसिमले हेरिदिँदा दुःख लाग्ने र आफूहरूलाई यौन व्यवसायमा संलग्न वा एचआइभी सङ्क्रमित भनेर कतिपयले कुरा काट्ने गरेकोमा उनीहरूको दुःखेसो छ । दाङ प्लस श्रीगाउँ टपिङ्ग सेन्टरकी परामर्शदाता सीता पोख्रेलका अनुसार गोप्यरूपमा मात्र सेन्टरमा परामर्श लिन चाहन्छन् । उनका अनुसार त्यस स्थानमा कार्यालय खुलेको तीन महिनाको अवधिमा ३०० भन्दा बढीले सल्लाह लिइसकेका छन् ।प्रायजसो विदेशबाट फर्किएका महिला पुरुषहरू समस्या बताउन आउने गरेको र केहीमा सक्रमण देखिएको पनि उनले जानकारी दिइन् । उनी भन्छिन्-यौन सिक्षालाई अन्य शिक्षा सरह सहज र खुल्ला बनाई सबैलाई सचेत बनाउन सके यौन रोग र एचआइभी/एड्स नियन्त्रण गर्ने सकिने छ । साथै यौन सर्म्पर्कबाट मात्र यो रोग र्सछ भन्ने भ्रमबाट मुक्त गर्न सके पनि र्सवसाधारण परामर्श लिन र उपचार गर्न सहज रूपमा आउने उनको तर्क छ ।
पाठ्यक्रममै यौनशिक्षा राखिनुपर्ने माग राख्दै देशभर अभियान सुरु
sex1विषेशगरी यौन समस्याका कारण मानिसमा उत्पन्न हुने हिनताबोधको भावना, उमेरसंगै आउने शारिरिक परिवर्तनका बेला आउने समस्या, यौनकै कारण हुने हिंसा, आत्महत्या तथा बलात्कारको अन्त्य गर्न सघन यौनिकता शिक्षा अपरिहार्य आवश्यकता रहेको संघका इलामका युवा संयोजक सुदिप श्रेष्ठले बताए । संघले इलामका पनि सञ्चारकर्मीहरूका लागि आयोजित कार्यशालामा यो जानकारी दिइएको हो । जिल्लाका तीस जना सञ्चारकर्मी सहभागी रहेको कार्यशालामा सघन यौनिकता शिक्षालाई पाठ्यक्रममा राख्न सरकारलाई नैतिक दवाव दिन इलाम र फिक्कलमा हस्ताक्षर अभियान पनि सञ्चालन गरिने जानकारी दिइयो ।
सेक्स गर्नु झगडा गर्नभन्दा बढी सजिलो
कुनै पनि विवाहित महिलाले आफ्ना पुरुषहरूसँग यौन सम्बन्ध किन राख्दा होलान् ? उनीहरूमा त्यस्तै रुचि हुँदो हो कि साथीको चित्त बुझाउन मात्र ? एउटा अनुसन्धानले के देखाएको छ भने वैवाहिक जीवन शान्तिपूर्ण रहिरहोस्, बिनाकारणको टाउको दुखाइमा पर्न-नपरोस् भनेर उनीहरू पतिसँग सर्वाधिक एकान्त क्षण बिताउन चाहन्छन् । उनीहरूको सूचीमा रोमान्सको स्थान निकै पछि हुन्छ । टेक्सस विश्वविद्यालयअन्तर्गत मनोविज्ञानका प्राध्यापक सीडी मेस्टन र डेभिड बसद्वारा लिखित ‘ह्वाई विमेन ह्याभ सेक्स ?’ -महिला किन यौन सम्बन्ध राख्छन् ?) पुस्तकमा पत्नीले पतिसँग यौन सम्बन्ध राख्नुका दुई सय कारण उल्लेख गरिएको छ । यो पुस्तकका लागि गरिएको अनुसन्धानमा एउटी महिलाले केसम्म भनेकी छन् भने पतिले शुक्रकीट बाहिर निकाल्न सकून् भनेर मात्रै ऐकान्तिक क्षण बिताउने गरेको बताएकी छन् । अहिलेसम्मको मान्यताअनुसार पुरुषहरूलाई महिला यौन रूपमा आकर्षक -सेक्सुअली अट्रयाक्टिभ) लाग्छन् । तर महिलाले पुरुषमा यस्तो कुनै कुरा भेट्दैनन् । अनुसन्धानका समय प्रा. मेस्टनले एक हजार महिलाको अन्तर्वार्ता लिए । त्यसमा महिलाले पुरुषसँग सुत्नुपर्नाका थुप्रै कारण बताए । एउटी महिलाले आध्यात्मिक अनुभूतिका लागि सेक्स गर्ने बताइन् । उनका अनुसार सेक्स ईश्वरलाई नजिकबाट अनुभव गर्ने राम्रो माध्यम हो । तर धेरैजसो महिलाले यौन सम्बन्ध राख्नुको कारण घरेलु शान्ति रहेको बताए । ८४ प्रतिशत महिलाले के स्वीकार गरे भने जीवनमा शान्ति कायम होस् वा घरसंसारको आवश्यकता पूर्ति हुदै जाओस् भनी पतिसँग यौन सम्बन्ध राखिन्छ । ‘जीवनमा उल्लास छाओस् भनेर म यौन सम्बन्ध राख्छु,’ एउटी महिलाले भनेकी छन्, ‘किनभने सेक्स गर्नु झगडा गर्नभन्दा बढी सजिलो छ ।’ कतिपय महिलाका लागि यस्तो सम्बन्ध माइग्रेन र टाउको दुखाई भगाउने उपचार रहेछ । अनुसन्धानमा केही महिलाले जे भने त्यो प्रायलाई अनौठो लाग्न सक्छ । एउटी महिलाले भनेकी छन्, ‘मैले पुरुषसँग किन सम्बन्ध राखेँ भने उसमाथि दया लागिरहेको थियो ।’ करिब १० प्रतिशत महिलाले उपहार पाउने आसमा यौन सम्बन्ध राखेको उल्लेख गरे । केहीले चाहिँ आफ्ना लागि पुरुषले भव्य डिनर आयोजना गरेकाले त्यस्तो कर्म गर्नुपरेको बताए । विश्वविद्यालय छात्रामा गरिएको सर्वेक्षणमा १० मध्ये ६ जनाले सामान्यतया आफ्ना ब्वाइफ्रेन्डबाहेकका पुरुषसँग पनि शारीरिक सम्बन्ध बनाइसकेको स्वीकार गरे । तीमध्ये कतिपयले आफ्नो ‘सेक्सुअल परफर्मेन्स’ राम्रो बनाउन यौन सम्बन्ध राख्ने गरेको बताए । एउटी छात्राले भनिन्, ‘मैले ब्वाइफ्रेन्डसँग किन यौन सम्पर्क गरेँ भने म आफ्नो यौन क्षमता अझ राम्रो बनाउन चाहन्थेँ ।’ उक्त अनुसन्धानबाट के पनि पत्ता लाग्यो भने महिलाहरू बढी आकषिर्त, अग्ला, ओजनदार स्वर र सुगन्धित शरीर भएको पुरुषसँग मरिहत्ते गर्छन् ।
आफ्ना सन्तानलाई आमा बाबुले यौन शिक्षा दिनु कति आबश्यक छ ?
प्राय: दम्पतिहरु आफ्ना सन्तानले उसको बाबु आमाले यौन सम्पर्क गर्छन् भन्ने कुरा थाहा नपाऒस् भन्ने चाहन्छन् । थाहापाउला कि भनेर डराउँछन्‚ लजाउँछन् । यसैले उनीहरुले सन्तानलाई यौनका सम्बन्धमा सही जानकारी प्रदान गर्न हिचकिचाउँछन् । अनि जिज्ञासु भएर उनीहरुले आफू कसरी जन्मेको भनी सोधे भने इश्वरले जन्माएको अथवा यस्तै अरु केही भनेर टारिदिन्छन् । अनि यौनांगहरुको सही नाम पनि बताउँदैनन् । अनि सन्तानले यौनको सम्बन्धमा कुनै जिज्ञासा प्रकट गरे भने गाली गर्ने‚ यस्तो कुरा गर्न नहुने भन्ने‚ जानकारी नै दिएतापनि अपुरो जानकारी दिने‚ यौनलाई पाप तथा घृणाको रुपमा परिभाषित गरिदिने‚ गर्ननहुने काम भनिदिने आदि गर्दछन् । यथार्थ उत्तर दिन लजाउँछन्‚ डराउँछन् । तर सँगै बस्ने सन्तानले एक दिन त थाहा पाई हाल्छ की उसका बाबु आमाले पनि सम्भोग गर्दछन् भनेर‚ अनि जुन कामलाई पाप भनिन्छ त्यही पापलाई लुकिछिपि गर्दछन् भन्ने त थाहापाइहाल्छ । अनि बाहिर बाहिर एउटा भन्ने अनि भित्र भित्र अर्कै गर्ने भएकोमा बाबु आमा प्रति उसको श्रद्धा घट्न जान्छ ‚ विश्वास गर्दैन । आफू बाबु आमाको romance को by product भएको महसुस भई ग्लानी अनुभव गर्दछ । आमा बाबुबीचको व्यवहारबाट पनि सेक्सको बारेमा केही थाहापाई सकेको हुन्छ अनि टेलिभिजन तथा फिल्मको प्रभावले केही कुरा अझ बुझ्दछ ।स्कुलमा अथवा कतै आफू भन्दा ठुला उमेरका बच्चाहरुको संगतमा आएर उनीहरुबाट सेक्सका बारेमा विभिन्न प्रकारका जानकारी पाउँछ जुन आफैँमा अपूर्ण र झूठो हुनसक्छ । खराब संगतमा यस कारण फस्दछन् कि उनीहरुबाट यौनजन्य कुराहरु थाहा पाउँछन्‚ गोप्य कुराहरु साटसाट गर्दछन् जसबाट उनीहरुलाई विश्वास गरी घनिष्ठ सम्बन्ध बन्नपुग्छ । संगतले गर्दा नै विभिन्न अश्लील कुराहरु थाहापाउँछ‚ अश्लील पत्र पत्रिका साहित्य पढ्न पुग्छन्‚ अश्लील भिडियो तथा ब्लु फिल्महरु हेर्न शुरु गर्छन् जहाँ यौनलाई पूर्ण मनोरंजन एवं वासनापूर्तिको साधनको रुपमा राखिएको हुन्छ । यौनको विकृतस्वरुपलाई त्यहाँ पस्किइएको हुन्छ । फलानोले यसरी सम्भोग गर्यो‚ हस्तमैथुनबाट यस्तो आनन्द आयो‚ घरमा दाइ नभएको मौकामा भाउजुले देवरसँग यसरी वासना पूर्ति गरी‚ कामगर्ने केटीसँग यसरी जबरजस्ती यौनको प्यास मेटायो‚ साथीको बहिनीसँग यसरी यौन आनन्द लुटियो‚……..यसरी नै कतै बुहारीसँग‚ कतै भिनाजुसँग‚ कतै काकीसँग‚ कतै सानीआमासँग‚ कतै सोल्टीनी–सोल्टासँग‚ कतै चाचीसँग‚ कतै शिक्षीकासँग‚ कतै शिक्षकसँग‚ कतै सहपाठीसँग‚ कतै नोकरसँग‚ कतै नोकर्नीसँग‚ कतै बाबुसँग‚ कतै बहिनीसँग‚ कतै छोरीसँग………. बजारमा छ्यासछ्यास्ती आउने अश्लील पत्रपत्रिकाहरु हेर्नुभयो भने यस्ता त कति छन् कति‚ अनि ब्लु फिल्ममा देखाइने विभिन्न दृश्यहरु । उनीहरु पनि यस्तै अवसरको खोजीमा रहन्छन् जसबाट त्यो आनन्द प्राप्त गर्न सकियोस् । अनि असोचनीयरुपमा बलात्कार‚ हत्या आदि घटना घट्न सक्छन्‚ पवित्र नाता सम्बन्धमा यस्तो असामाजिक कार्य हुनपुग्छ । १२–१३ वर्षको उमेर नपुग्दै हस्तमैथुनको लतमा फस्न पुग्छन् । पढ्ने र बन्ने उमेरमा ध्यान जति केटा र केटीमा पुग्छ‚ यौनमा पुग्दछ अनि मौका पाउनासाथ जघन्य अपराध गर्न पछि पर्दैनन् । यदि बाबु आमाले पहिला नै यौन सम्बन्धमा विभिन्न वास्तविक कुराहरु बुझाएर नराम्रो संगतमा नलाग्न तथा राम्रा कार्यका लागि प्रेरित गर्ने हो भने‚ सहजरुपमा नै उनीहरु नराम्रो लतमा फस्न पाउँदैनन् । अनि सही कुरा गर्दा बाबु आमा प्रति उनीहरुको विश्वास वढ्दछ र उनीहरुसँग घनिष्ठ हुन्छन्। आमाबाबुसँग घनिष्ठ भएपछि गोप्यभन्दा गोप्यकुराहरु पनि उनीहरुसँग गर्दछन्‚ नजीकको र असल साथीको रुपमा बाबुआमालाई नै लिन्छन् । जसबाट सन्तानलाई सही मार्गनिर्देश गर्न सकिन्छ । यौन शिक्षा कुन उमेरमा दिने‚ कसरी दिने‚ के के दिने आदि बारेमा पनि विचार गर्नुपर्दछ
Saturday 5 October 2013
सुहागरात ‘विशेष’ बनाउन भियग्रा खाँदा युवकको ज्यान गयो
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Tuesday 1 October 2013
कक्षा कोठा भित्रै युबतिको यो हाल (भिडियो हेर्नुहोस )...
कक्षा कोठा भित्रै युबतिको यो हाल (भिडियो हेर्नुहोस )...
To accomplish great things,
We must not only act,
But also dream,
Not only plan but also believe,
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Exams are like Girl friends
- Too many questions
- Difficult to understand
- More explanation is needed
- Result is always fail!
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A student grabbed a coin,
Flipped it in the air & said,
“Head, I go to sleep.”
Tail, I watch a movie.
If it stands on the edge I’ll study
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