विश्वका चर्चित सेलिब्रेटीहरुका नांगो सेल्फी तस्वीर ह्याक गरी सार्वजनिक गरिएकेा घटनाले अहिले विश्वभरि नै चर्चित छ । ओस्कार विजेता जेनिफर लरेन्स देखि लिएर केट अप्टन तथा सेलेना गोमेज जस्ता चर्चित महिलाहरु यसका सिकार भए । यसको प्रमुख दोषी ह्याकर त हुँदै हो तर सेलिब्रेटीहरुको समेत गम्भीर गल्ती रहेको र आफ्नो नांगो तस्वीर खिचाउने चर्चित महिलाहरुको शौख भयानक रहेको एक अध्ययनले देखाएको छ । अमेरिकी अनलाइन कस्मोपोलिटन डट कमले गरेकेा एक सर्भेक्षण अनुसार सन् १९८२ देखि सन् २००० को सुरुसम्ममा जन्मिएका महिलामध्ये सयमा ९० जनाले आफ्नो नांगो तस्वीर खिचिसकेका छन् । भलै कतिले त्यो खिचेर डिलिट गरिसकेका होलान् वा कतिले त्यसलाई सुरक्षित राखेका वा सार्वजनिक समेत गरिसकेका छन् । ७५० जना आफ्ना पाठकमा गरेको अनलाइन सर्भेमा सहभागी गराइएका मध्ये ९९ प्रतिशत महिला थिए । उनीहरु मध्ये हरेक १० मा ९ जनाले आफुले जिउ नांगो बनाएर आफ्नो तस्वीर खिचिसकेको बताए । ती मध्ये ८४ प्रतिशतले खुसीसाथ यस्तो काम फेरी पनि दोहोराउने बताएका छन् । निर्धक्कसाथ यस्तो जोखिमपूर्ण कार्य गर्ने युवतीहरुको औषत उमेर २१ वर्ष छ । निकै कम युवतीहरुमा मात्र आफ्नो निर्वस्त्र तस्वीर लिक होला र सार्वजनिक भएर आफ्नो प्रतिष्ठामा आँच आउने भन्ने कुराको हेक्का रहेको पाइएको छ ।
Showing posts with label life style. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life style. Show all posts
Wednesday 15 October 2014
आजभोलिका युवा युबतीहरुले यौन आनन्दकालागि येसो गरेपछि
यौन आनन्दका लागि अनेक उपाय निकाल्छन् अचेलका युवाहरू। सेक्सटोय, नीला फिल्म, अनलाइन भिडियो च्याटिङ अचेल उनीहरूका लागि सामान्य हुन्। रातपरेपछि फोनमा यौन उत्तेजित कुराकानी गरेर आनन्द लिने युवा जमात पनि ठूलै छ। विशेष गरी चढ्दौ वैंशका युवायुवती यस्तो फोन वार्तालापमा लठ्ठिने गर्छन्।
विज्ञका अनुसार यसरी फोन सम्पर्क मार्फत उत्तेजित कुराकानी गर्नु, आवाज निकाल्नु वा यौनका विषयमा कुरा गर्नुलाई ‘फोनसेक्स’ भनिन्छ। यस्तो फोनसेक्समा रमाउनेहरू संसारभरि नै हुन्छन्। नयाँ बानेश्वरका विकासको मोबाइलमा एकदिन नयाँ नम्बरबाट मिसकल आयो। चिनेजानेकोले गरेको पनि हुनसक्छ भन्ने मनसायले उनले ‘कलब्याक’ गरे। फोनमा अपरिचित युवतीको स्वर सुने। ती युवतीले झुक्किएर त्यो नम्बरमा मिसकल गएको बताइन् तर विकासलाई भने उनको मिठो स्वर सुनेपछि ‘फ्रेन्डसिप’ गर्न मन लाग्यो। सुरुमा कुनै प्रतिक्रिया नदिएजस्तो गरे पनि अन्ततः उनी फ्रेन्डसिप गर्न राजी भइन्। गर्दागर्दै उनीहरू फोनबाट धेरै नजिकिए।
मनका सबै भावनाहरू साटासाट हुनथाले। अचेल उनीहरूलाई राती दशबजेपछि एक-दुई घण्टा गफ नगरी निद्रै पर्दैन। फोनमा प्रायः यौन र सेक्सका कुरा बढी हुन्छन्। ‘माई डियर’, ‘कम टू माई ड्रिम’, ‘किस मी’, ‘रमाइलो गरौँ न’ यी शब्दहरू सामान्य भइसकेका छन् उनीहरूका लागि। तर, अहिलेसम्म भेटघाट गरेका छैनन्। विकासजस्तै फोन सेक्समा आनन्द लिने युवायुवती धेरै छन्। फोनमा कुराकानी गर्ने वातावरण नमिले उनीहरू एसएमएसको सहारा लिन्छन्।
पाटनका रविनलाई पनि फोनसेक्सको नशा बसेको छ। केटी साथीसँग राति पन्ध्र-बीसवटासम्म एसएमएस आदानप्रदान हुन्छन्। उनलाई प्रत्यक्ष भेटेर कुरा गर्दा भन्दा फोनबाटै सेक्सका कुरा गर्दा झन् बढी आनन्द आउने उनको प्रतिक्रिया थियो। यस्ता क्रियाकलापमा युवतीहरू पनि कहाँ कम छन् र? केटाहरूले ‘डार्लिङ् ढोका खोलिदेऊ म आउंदैछु’ भन्दा केटीले सहजै ‘खुल्लै छ छिटो आऊ …’ भनिदिन्छन्। पुरुषहरूलाई उत्तेजित पार्न महिलाहरूले विभिन्न तवरले हौस्याएका हुन्छन्। राती फोन गफमा प्रायः कस्तो लुगा लगाएर सुतेको छौ? कति पिस लगाएको छौ? कुन कलरको? आदि इत्यादि सोधपुछ चल्छ। यति मात्रै होइन, ‘कुन पोजिसनमा सुतेका छौ या कतापट्टि फर्केका छौ? मेरो लागि ठाउँ छ कि छैन?’ यस्तै यस्तै सोधेर ‘टाइम पास’ गर्न सिपालु हुन्छन् तन्नेरीहरू। प्लस टू पढ्दै गरेका चाबहिलका सञ्जयकी प्रेमिका अहिले पोखरामा नर्सिङ गर्दै छिन्।
प्रायः उनीहरू महिनामा एकपल्ट भेट्छन्। अरुबेला फोन जिन्दावाद! ‘अत्यास मेटाउन फोनबाट सबै कुरा गर्छौं’ उनले भने, ‘फोनमा यौन र सेक्सका कुरा गर्दा केही हदसम्म आनन्द आउँछ। उनी (प्रेमिका) मदेखि नजिक छिन् भन्ने भावना जागृत हुन्छ।’ राती दशबजेपछि नेपाल टेलिकमले प्रदान गरेको सस्तो फोन सेवाले तन्नेरीलाई झनै बरालिदिने काम गरेको छ। विद्यार्थी वर्गहरू यसबाट बढी प्रभावित छन्। कतिपय त रातीदेखि भोलीपल्ट बिहानसम्मै मोबाइलमा कुरा गरिरहन्छन् भन्दा पत्यार नलाग्ला। बुद्धनगर बस्ने विराटनगरका प्रविणको लभ परेको भर्खर ३ महिना भयो। स-परिवार महाराजगञ्ज बस्ने प्रेमीकासँग हप्तामा एक पटक भन्दा भेट्ने अवसर मिल्दैन। तर, उनीहरू मोबाइलमा अत्याधिक कुरा गर्छन्। कैयौं रातहरू प्रेमिकासँग गफ गरेर मात्रै बितेका छन् उनका। ‘अरु काम भेटेको बेला भइहाल्छ,’ उनले भने, ‘मन र मन मिलाउन त फोन नै काफी छ भिडियो हेर्न तल क्लिक गर्नुहोस :
विज्ञका अनुसार यसरी फोन सम्पर्क मार्फत उत्तेजित कुराकानी गर्नु, आवाज निकाल्नु वा यौनका विषयमा कुरा गर्नुलाई ‘फोनसेक्स’ भनिन्छ। यस्तो फोनसेक्समा रमाउनेहरू संसारभरि नै हुन्छन्। नयाँ बानेश्वरका विकासको मोबाइलमा एकदिन नयाँ नम्बरबाट मिसकल आयो। चिनेजानेकोले गरेको पनि हुनसक्छ भन्ने मनसायले उनले ‘कलब्याक’ गरे। फोनमा अपरिचित युवतीको स्वर सुने। ती युवतीले झुक्किएर त्यो नम्बरमा मिसकल गएको बताइन् तर विकासलाई भने उनको मिठो स्वर सुनेपछि ‘फ्रेन्डसिप’ गर्न मन लाग्यो। सुरुमा कुनै प्रतिक्रिया नदिएजस्तो गरे पनि अन्ततः उनी फ्रेन्डसिप गर्न राजी भइन्। गर्दागर्दै उनीहरू फोनबाट धेरै नजिकिए।
मनका सबै भावनाहरू साटासाट हुनथाले। अचेल उनीहरूलाई राती दशबजेपछि एक-दुई घण्टा गफ नगरी निद्रै पर्दैन। फोनमा प्रायः यौन र सेक्सका कुरा बढी हुन्छन्। ‘माई डियर’, ‘कम टू माई ड्रिम’, ‘किस मी’, ‘रमाइलो गरौँ न’ यी शब्दहरू सामान्य भइसकेका छन् उनीहरूका लागि। तर, अहिलेसम्म भेटघाट गरेका छैनन्। विकासजस्तै फोन सेक्समा आनन्द लिने युवायुवती धेरै छन्। फोनमा कुराकानी गर्ने वातावरण नमिले उनीहरू एसएमएसको सहारा लिन्छन्।
पाटनका रविनलाई पनि फोनसेक्सको नशा बसेको छ। केटी साथीसँग राति पन्ध्र-बीसवटासम्म एसएमएस आदानप्रदान हुन्छन्। उनलाई प्रत्यक्ष भेटेर कुरा गर्दा भन्दा फोनबाटै सेक्सका कुरा गर्दा झन् बढी आनन्द आउने उनको प्रतिक्रिया थियो। यस्ता क्रियाकलापमा युवतीहरू पनि कहाँ कम छन् र? केटाहरूले ‘डार्लिङ् ढोका खोलिदेऊ म आउंदैछु’ भन्दा केटीले सहजै ‘खुल्लै छ छिटो आऊ …’ भनिदिन्छन्। पुरुषहरूलाई उत्तेजित पार्न महिलाहरूले विभिन्न तवरले हौस्याएका हुन्छन्। राती फोन गफमा प्रायः कस्तो लुगा लगाएर सुतेको छौ? कति पिस लगाएको छौ? कुन कलरको? आदि इत्यादि सोधपुछ चल्छ। यति मात्रै होइन, ‘कुन पोजिसनमा सुतेका छौ या कतापट्टि फर्केका छौ? मेरो लागि ठाउँ छ कि छैन?’ यस्तै यस्तै सोधेर ‘टाइम पास’ गर्न सिपालु हुन्छन् तन्नेरीहरू। प्लस टू पढ्दै गरेका चाबहिलका सञ्जयकी प्रेमिका अहिले पोखरामा नर्सिङ गर्दै छिन्।
प्रायः उनीहरू महिनामा एकपल्ट भेट्छन्। अरुबेला फोन जिन्दावाद! ‘अत्यास मेटाउन फोनबाट सबै कुरा गर्छौं’ उनले भने, ‘फोनमा यौन र सेक्सका कुरा गर्दा केही हदसम्म आनन्द आउँछ। उनी (प्रेमिका) मदेखि नजिक छिन् भन्ने भावना जागृत हुन्छ।’ राती दशबजेपछि नेपाल टेलिकमले प्रदान गरेको सस्तो फोन सेवाले तन्नेरीलाई झनै बरालिदिने काम गरेको छ। विद्यार्थी वर्गहरू यसबाट बढी प्रभावित छन्। कतिपय त रातीदेखि भोलीपल्ट बिहानसम्मै मोबाइलमा कुरा गरिरहन्छन् भन्दा पत्यार नलाग्ला। बुद्धनगर बस्ने विराटनगरका प्रविणको लभ परेको भर्खर ३ महिना भयो। स-परिवार महाराजगञ्ज बस्ने प्रेमीकासँग हप्तामा एक पटक भन्दा भेट्ने अवसर मिल्दैन। तर, उनीहरू मोबाइलमा अत्याधिक कुरा गर्छन्। कैयौं रातहरू प्रेमिकासँग गफ गरेर मात्रै बितेका छन् उनका। ‘अरु काम भेटेको बेला भइहाल्छ,’ उनले भने, ‘मन र मन मिलाउन त फोन नै काफी छ भिडियो हेर्न तल क्लिक गर्नुहोस :
Tuesday 7 October 2014
विवाहको तयारीमा हुनुहुन्छ भने ! पहिला केटीका बारेमा यी ७ कुरा ख्याल गर्नुहोस्
विवाहको तयारीमा हुनुहुन्छ भने ! पहिला केटीका बारेमा यी ७ कुरा ख्याल गर्नुहोस्
काठमाडौं । विवाह आफैंमा एक महत्वपूर्ण परिघटना हो । विवाहले मानिसको जीवनमा खुसी र दुःख दुवै दिनसक्छ ।
विवाहका बारेमा हरेक मानिसहरुमा आफ्नै बुझाई रहेका छन् । तर विवाह गर्नु अघि सबैले केटीका बारेमा केही कुरा बुझ्न अत्यावश्यक हुन्छ ।
भनिन्छ, महिलाहरु अपरिचित विदेशी भूमी जस्तै हुन् जसलाई बुझ्न कठिन हुन्छ ।
तर केटीको बारेमा केही कुरा थाहा पाइयो भने त्यसलाई सुधार्न वा वैवाहिक जीवनलाई सरल बनाउँन मद्दत पुग्छ ।
१.कडा बचन
विवाह अघि केटा केटी बिचमा सामान्य सम्बन्ध भएपनि विवाहपछि त्यो अली जटिल बन्छ । पहिले केटीहरुले खासै झगडा नगरेपनि अधिकांश केटीहरुसँग विवाहपछि झगडाका घटना बढेको पाइन्छ । त्यतिमात्र होइन केटीहरु विवाहपछि तपाइँले सोंचे भन्दा कठोर बचन बोल्छन् । यसबारेमा तपाईले बुझ्न सक्नुभएन भने विवाहपछिको सम्बन्ध तपाईलाई निल्नु न ओकल्नु हुनसक्छ ।
२.हरेक विषयमा बहस
अधिकाँश महिलाहरु आफ्ना पुरुषसँग हरेक जसो विषयमा बहस गर्न खोज्छन् । चित्त नबुझेका विषयमा हुने कतिपय यस्ता बहस झगडामा नै परिणत हुन्छन् । कुनै कुरा भन्नुपरे सम्झाई बुझाई वा नोट लेखेर छोडेमा उपयुक्त हुनसक्छ । तर सधैं नोट लेख्नु राम्रो होइन ।
३. खर्चका बारेमा भइरहने तनाब
विवाहपछि खर्चको व्यवस्थापन गर्ने जिम्म पुरुषहरुकै हातमा आइलाग्छ । अधिकाँश महिलाले खर्चको विषयमा श्रीमान्सँग पैसा नदिएको वा नचाहिने कुरामा खर्च गरेको जस्ता विषयलाई लिएर झगडा गर्छन् । तर हरेकपटक खर्चको विषयमा झगडा गरिरहनु सम्बन्धको दीर्घायुका लागि घातक हुन सक्छ । यस्ता विषयमा सावधानी अपनाउन सक्नुपर्दछ ।
४.पतिको परिवारको उपस्थिति
महिलाहरु विवाहपछि आफ्नो पतिको घरका सदस्यहरुको उपस्थितिलाई असहज मान्ने खालका पनि हुन्छन् । सासु, ससुरा, देवरजेठाजु, नन्दआमाजु समेत मन नपराउने स्वभाव हुनसक्छ । धेरै जसो महिलामा हुने यो बानी केटाले बुझेनन् भने सम्बन्ध धरापमा पर्न सक्छ । पतिको घरमा गइसकेपछि महिलाले यो परिवार मेरै हो र यसका सदस्य मेरा पनि सदस्य हुन् भन्ने बुझ्न र केटाले केटीको यस्ता बानीबारे थाहा पाउन जरुरी छ । अन्यथा श्रीमतीका कारण बाबुआमा, दाजुभाई, दिदीबहिनीसँगको सम्बन्ध नराम्रो हुनसक्छ ।
विवाहका बारेमा हरेक मानिसहरुमा आफ्नै बुझाई रहेका छन् । तर विवाह गर्नु अघि सबैले केटीका बारेमा केही कुरा बुझ्न अत्यावश्यक हुन्छ ।
भनिन्छ, महिलाहरु अपरिचित विदेशी भूमी जस्तै हुन् जसलाई बुझ्न कठिन हुन्छ ।
तर केटीको बारेमा केही कुरा थाहा पाइयो भने त्यसलाई सुधार्न वा वैवाहिक जीवनलाई सरल बनाउँन मद्दत पुग्छ ।
१.कडा बचन
विवाह अघि केटा केटी बिचमा सामान्य सम्बन्ध भएपनि विवाहपछि त्यो अली जटिल बन्छ । पहिले केटीहरुले खासै झगडा नगरेपनि अधिकांश केटीहरुसँग विवाहपछि झगडाका घटना बढेको पाइन्छ । त्यतिमात्र होइन केटीहरु विवाहपछि तपाइँले सोंचे भन्दा कठोर बचन बोल्छन् । यसबारेमा तपाईले बुझ्न सक्नुभएन भने विवाहपछिको सम्बन्ध तपाईलाई निल्नु न ओकल्नु हुनसक्छ ।
२.हरेक विषयमा बहस
अधिकाँश महिलाहरु आफ्ना पुरुषसँग हरेक जसो विषयमा बहस गर्न खोज्छन् । चित्त नबुझेका विषयमा हुने कतिपय यस्ता बहस झगडामा नै परिणत हुन्छन् । कुनै कुरा भन्नुपरे सम्झाई बुझाई वा नोट लेखेर छोडेमा उपयुक्त हुनसक्छ । तर सधैं नोट लेख्नु राम्रो होइन ।
३. खर्चका बारेमा भइरहने तनाब
विवाहपछि खर्चको व्यवस्थापन गर्ने जिम्म पुरुषहरुकै हातमा आइलाग्छ । अधिकाँश महिलाले खर्चको विषयमा श्रीमान्सँग पैसा नदिएको वा नचाहिने कुरामा खर्च गरेको जस्ता विषयलाई लिएर झगडा गर्छन् । तर हरेकपटक खर्चको विषयमा झगडा गरिरहनु सम्बन्धको दीर्घायुका लागि घातक हुन सक्छ । यस्ता विषयमा सावधानी अपनाउन सक्नुपर्दछ ।
४.पतिको परिवारको उपस्थिति
महिलाहरु विवाहपछि आफ्नो पतिको घरका सदस्यहरुको उपस्थितिलाई असहज मान्ने खालका पनि हुन्छन् । सासु, ससुरा, देवरजेठाजु, नन्दआमाजु समेत मन नपराउने स्वभाव हुनसक्छ । धेरै जसो महिलामा हुने यो बानी केटाले बुझेनन् भने सम्बन्ध धरापमा पर्न सक्छ । पतिको घरमा गइसकेपछि महिलाले यो परिवार मेरै हो र यसका सदस्य मेरा पनि सदस्य हुन् भन्ने बुझ्न र केटाले केटीको यस्ता बानीबारे थाहा पाउन जरुरी छ । अन्यथा श्रीमतीका कारण बाबुआमा, दाजुभाई, दिदीबहिनीसँगको सम्बन्ध नराम्रो हुनसक्छ ।
५.जिस्किने बानी
विवाहअघि जति महिलाहरु जिस्कन्छन् विवाहपछि त्यसको मात्रा र रुपमा परिवर्तन हुन्छ । उनीहरु जिस्किरहँदा बढी उत्ताउलो हुने कुरामा सधैं ख्याल गर्छन् । विवाह पछि जिस्किनै हुँदैन भन्ने छैन । तर विवाह पछिको रोमान्समा पनि जिस्किने र ठट्टा गर्ने बानीमा समय, काल अनुसार परिवर्तन ल्यानु जुरुरी हुन्छ । विवाह पछि कुनै पनि महिला प्रेमिका भन्दा बढी पत्नीको रुपमा रहन चाहन्छन् । तर पुरुषहरु भने प्रेमिका जस्तै भइदिए हुन्थ्यो भन्ने ठान्छन् ।
विवाहअघि जति महिलाहरु जिस्कन्छन् विवाहपछि त्यसको मात्रा र रुपमा परिवर्तन हुन्छ । उनीहरु जिस्किरहँदा बढी उत्ताउलो हुने कुरामा सधैं ख्याल गर्छन् । विवाह पछि जिस्किनै हुँदैन भन्ने छैन । तर विवाह पछिको रोमान्समा पनि जिस्किने र ठट्टा गर्ने बानीमा समय, काल अनुसार परिवर्तन ल्यानु जुरुरी हुन्छ । विवाह पछि कुनै पनि महिला प्रेमिका भन्दा बढी पत्नीको रुपमा रहन चाहन्छन् । तर पुरुषहरु भने प्रेमिका जस्तै भइदिए हुन्थ्यो भन्ने ठान्छन् ।
६.आफ्नै साथीहरु बिर्सने
विवाहपछि अधिकाँश महिलाहरु आफ्ना पुराना साथीलाई बिर्सदै जान्छन् । नयाँ सम्बन्ध र नयाँ साथी पाएपछि पुरानालाई याद नगर्ने बानी हुन्छ महिलाहरुमा । तर जव नयाँ सम्बन्धमा समस्या उत्पन्न हुन्छ, त्यसबेला भने उनीहरुले पुराना साथीलाई खोज्न थाल्छन् । महिलाले पुराना साथी भुल्ने समस्या सुधार गरेनन् भने उनीहरुलाई समस्या पर्दा साथ दिनेहरु कोही नहुन सक्छन् ।
७.पतिले साथी ल्याएमा झन्झट मान्ने
महिलाहरु पतिले आफ्ना साथीहरुलाई घरमा ल्याइरहेको मन नपराउने स्वभावका हुन्छन् । पतिले आफूसँग बढी समय विताओस भन्ने चाहानाले उनीहरुलाई पतिका साथी आएको मन पर्दैन । तर यो महिलाको यो बानीबारे जानकारी नभएका अधिकाँश पुरुषले अनावश्यक हैरानीको सामना गर्नुपर्ने हुनसक्छ ।
विवाहपछि अधिकाँश महिलाहरु आफ्ना पुराना साथीलाई बिर्सदै जान्छन् । नयाँ सम्बन्ध र नयाँ साथी पाएपछि पुरानालाई याद नगर्ने बानी हुन्छ महिलाहरुमा । तर जव नयाँ सम्बन्धमा समस्या उत्पन्न हुन्छ, त्यसबेला भने उनीहरुले पुराना साथीलाई खोज्न थाल्छन् । महिलाले पुराना साथी भुल्ने समस्या सुधार गरेनन् भने उनीहरुलाई समस्या पर्दा साथ दिनेहरु कोही नहुन सक्छन् ।
७.पतिले साथी ल्याएमा झन्झट मान्ने
महिलाहरु पतिले आफ्ना साथीहरुलाई घरमा ल्याइरहेको मन नपराउने स्वभावका हुन्छन् । पतिले आफूसँग बढी समय विताओस भन्ने चाहानाले उनीहरुलाई पतिका साथी आएको मन पर्दैन । तर यो महिलाको यो बानीबारे जानकारी नभएका अधिकाँश पुरुषले अनावश्यक हैरानीको सामना गर्नुपर्ने हुनसक्छ ।
Saturday 25 January 2014
Step Up, Height increasing formula launched by City Brand Marketing
Who don’t want a good height and a body? Yes, everybody wants if it’s possible in a natural way without any side effects. Step Up formula from City Brand Marketing, Nepal ia an ayurvedic herbal body growth formula which uses 100% natural ingredients that stimulates body parts for natural and balanced growth. The Step Up formula has appropriate combination of ingredients like Kali Mirch, Pipal, Baheda, Ashwagandha, Saunth, Awla, Harad, Vidhara, Halo and Mishri which are consumed by humans since thousands of years and each individual ingredients used has it’s own benefits to the body.A good height opens up opportunities in different feilds like modelling, air hostess etc.
Step Up body growth formula claims for growth of body in a natural and balanced way and had been used worldwide with a very high success rate. It enhances the body organs for growth according to time especially for the people whose physical growth is not continous because of insufficient required ingredients in food as a result of their eating habits.
Step Up Body Growth formula Vs Yoko Height increaser
Step Up body growth formula has many benifits over yoko height increasing sole. Step Up body growth formula is natural way of increasing body in balanced way, which doesen’t increse only height but plays a role on usual growth with just a spoon full of mixture regularly. On the other hand, yoko height increaser is a painful method and focuses for growth of only height which may disturb the natural balance of body growth. Yoko height increaser has a lots of side effects like back pain, uneasy feeling and it don’t work for most of the people.
Does Step Up height increasing formula really works?The marketer of Step Up height increasing formula claims yes it works and it’s not necessary to consume it if you have right amount of ingredients as mentiond in Step Up in your regular food. Step Up is needed because the daily food we consume doestn’t have right amount of ingredients that is needed for balanced growth of body and Step Up formula is required for everyone in today’s world. Step Up formula has different other positive effect on your health like increase memory power, increase immunity power and the best of this formula is it doesen’t have any side effect.
If anyone wants these world class product directly in Nepal here is the complete address.
City Brands Marketing pvt.Ltd
Phone No:9851156778, 9801156788, 012299087
New Baneshwor, Baneshwor Plaza, Kathmandu
(Beside to Computer Bazar)
Email:info@citybrands.com.np
Website:www.citybrands.com.np
Tuesday 31 December 2013
माइनस ४५ डिग्रीको चिसोमा बस्ने आदिवासी, पहिलोपटक सार्वजनिक भयो तस्वीर
हड्डीसमेत जम्ने माइनस ४५ डिग्री चिसो क्षेत्र जसलाई यो पृथ्वीको अन्तिम विन्दु भन्दा फरक नपर्ला । तपाई कल्पना पनि गर्न सक्नुहुन्न होला, यस्तो ज्यानै खाने चिसोमा बिना सुबिधा, बिना आधुनिकता एउटा आदीवासी समुदाय सयौं बर्षदेखि आफ्नो जिविका चलाइरहेका छन् ।
नेपालका राउटेजस्तै घुमन्ते जीवन जिउने रसियाको एउटा आदिवासी समुदाय यस्तै चिसोमा गुजारा चलाइरहेको छ । जहाँ पुगेर रुसी फोटोग्राफर सासा लीअहोवसेनकोले आफ्नो क्यामरामा विचित्रको जीवन जिउने जनजातिको जीवनशैली तस्वीरमा उतारेका छन् । रुसको टुन्ड्राको चुकोटामा बस्ने यो घुमन्ते जनजातिका पुरुष, महिला, बच्चा र पाल्तु जनावर र उनीहरुको जीवनशैलीको तस्वीर सम्वभत पहिलोपटक बाहिर आएको छ । उनले खिचेको आफ्नै तस्वीर हेर्दा आदिवासीहरु निकै आश्चर्यमा परेका थिए ।
उनले २०११ मा टुन्ड्राको चुकोटा क्षेत्रको यात्रा गरेका थिए । यो वर्ष उनी दोस्रो पटक त्यहाँ गएका हुन् । त्यो क्षेत्र जहाँ न सडक छ न जीवन चलाउन चाहिने अन्य आवश्यकता नै । मानिसहरु हिउँले ढाकिएको झुप्रामा बस्छन् । उनीहरुको सहारा घरपालुवा जनावर नै हो, जसको मासु खाएर उनीहरु जीवन निर्वाहा गर्छन् । फोटोग्राफर लीअहोवसेनको उनीहरुको पहिलो पाहुना थिए, जसले आफ्नो जीवन जोखिममा राखेर त्यहाँ जाने साहस गरे ।
हेरौं, जोखिममा पनि आनन्दसाथ जीवन बिताइरहेका यी आदिवासीको जीवनशैली–
नेपालका राउटेजस्तै घुमन्ते जीवन जिउने रसियाको एउटा आदिवासी समुदाय यस्तै चिसोमा गुजारा चलाइरहेको छ । जहाँ पुगेर रुसी फोटोग्राफर सासा लीअहोवसेनकोले आफ्नो क्यामरामा विचित्रको जीवन जिउने जनजातिको जीवनशैली तस्वीरमा उतारेका छन् । रुसको टुन्ड्राको चुकोटामा बस्ने यो घुमन्ते जनजातिका पुरुष, महिला, बच्चा र पाल्तु जनावर र उनीहरुको जीवनशैलीको तस्वीर सम्वभत पहिलोपटक बाहिर आएको छ । उनले खिचेको आफ्नै तस्वीर हेर्दा आदिवासीहरु निकै आश्चर्यमा परेका थिए ।
उनले २०११ मा टुन्ड्राको चुकोटा क्षेत्रको यात्रा गरेका थिए । यो वर्ष उनी दोस्रो पटक त्यहाँ गएका हुन् । त्यो क्षेत्र जहाँ न सडक छ न जीवन चलाउन चाहिने अन्य आवश्यकता नै । मानिसहरु हिउँले ढाकिएको झुप्रामा बस्छन् । उनीहरुको सहारा घरपालुवा जनावर नै हो, जसको मासु खाएर उनीहरु जीवन निर्वाहा गर्छन् । फोटोग्राफर लीअहोवसेनको उनीहरुको पहिलो पाहुना थिए, जसले आफ्नो जीवन जोखिममा राखेर त्यहाँ जाने साहस गरे ।
हेरौं, जोखिममा पनि आनन्दसाथ जीवन बिताइरहेका यी आदिवासीको जीवनशैली–
हिमाली टाकुरामा डरलाग्दो डोरीको यात्रा, तर यो सर्कस हैन
जमिनबाट ३ सय ८० फिटमाथि डोरीमा टेहेर हिड्ने ? हामी कल्पना समेत गर्न डराउँछौं । तर, फ्रान्सका जूलियन मिलोटले सोच्दै डरलाग्दो काम सजिलै गरिदिएका छन् ।
मोन्ट ब्लंक पर्वत हुँदै चल्ने केबल कारको दुई इन्च मोटो लठ्ठामा हिडेर उनीले सबैलाई चकित पारेका छन् । डोरीमै उनले झण्डै २ सय फिटको यात्रा गरे । पाराडस्की स्की क्षेत्रको वर्षगाँठको अबसरमा उनले यो साहसिक यात्रा गरेका हुन् ।
पेशाले इन्जिनियर उनलाई पहाड निकै मन पर्छ र उनी कुशल पर्वतारोही समेत हुन् । यति मात्र होइन, उनी बेस जम्पिङदेखि प्याराग्लाइडिङसम्म गर्न पछि पर्दैनन् । जूलियनसँगै उनका साथी ट्याक्रिड मेलेटले पनि साहसिक यात्रा गरेका छन् । जसलाई एक डकुमेन्ट्रीमा समावेश गरिएको छ । जसको नामको हो ‘आई बिलिभ, आई क्यान फ्लाइ ।’
मोन्ट ब्लंक पर्वत हुँदै चल्ने केबल कारको दुई इन्च मोटो लठ्ठामा हिडेर उनीले सबैलाई चकित पारेका छन् । डोरीमै उनले झण्डै २ सय फिटको यात्रा गरे । पाराडस्की स्की क्षेत्रको वर्षगाँठको अबसरमा उनले यो साहसिक यात्रा गरेका हुन् ।
पेशाले इन्जिनियर उनलाई पहाड निकै मन पर्छ र उनी कुशल पर्वतारोही समेत हुन् । यति मात्र होइन, उनी बेस जम्पिङदेखि प्याराग्लाइडिङसम्म गर्न पछि पर्दैनन् । जूलियनसँगै उनका साथी ट्याक्रिड मेलेटले पनि साहसिक यात्रा गरेका छन् । जसलाई एक डकुमेन्ट्रीमा समावेश गरिएको छ । जसको नामको हो ‘आई बिलिभ, आई क्यान फ्लाइ ।’
७ फिटको पुठ्ठोवाली भन्छिन–‘बुढाहरु मदेखि भुतुक्कै हुन्छन’
हामी आज तपाईलाई भेटाउँदै छौं, सारा मासीसँग । यी असाधारण महिला जसको पुठ्ठोको साइज ७ फिट चौडा छ, एक्ट्रा लार्ज साइडको ट्राउजर चाहिन्छ, अनि जस्तोतस्तो शौचालयमा बस्दा प्यान नै भाँचिन सक्छ ।
तर पनि सारा मासीलाई सबैभन्दा ठूलो नितम्ब भएकोमा गर्व छ । शिकागोकी दुई बच्चाकी आमा सारा धेरै हिडडुल गर्न सक्दिनन् । तर, कीर्तिमानी आकारको उनको नितम्बले उनलाई मासिक रुपमा ७ सय ५० पाउन्ड अशक्त भत्ता दिलाएको छ ।
सुरु–सुरुमा उनलाई मानिसहरुबाट आउने प्रतिक्रियाले निकै नराम्रो लाग्थ्यो । विद्यालयमा जाँदा केटाकेटीहरु उनलाई डम्प ट्रक भनेर जिस्काउँथे । तर, अहिले शिर ठाडो गरेर हिड्ने गरेको उनले बताइन् । ‘अब म यसप्रति गर्व गर्छु र विश्वलाई देखाउन चाहन्छु ।’ उनले भनेकी छिन ।
आफ्नो शशिरले ठूलो जिउडाल भएका बिश्वभरका महिलालाई उत्साह मिल्ने उनको दावी छ । फ्यानका लागि फोटो सुट समेत गरेकी उनले भनिन–‘मेरो पुठ्ठोले बुढो उमेरका पुरुषहरुलाई निकै आर्कर्षित गर्छ, त्यसमा मेरा पति पनि एक हुन् ।’
तन्नेरी केटाहरुले आफ्ना स्लीम साथीहरुमाथि आँखा लगाउने गरे पनि बुढाहरुले भने आफ्नो शरीरको खुवै तारिफ गर्ने उनले बताइन् । ’त्यसैले मभन्दा १०÷२० बर्ष बुढाहरुसँगै मेरो सम्बन्ध हुने गरेको छ ।’ उनले भनिन् ।
ठूलो पुठ्ठोे बंशाणुगत उपहार भएको उनले बताइन् । ‘मेरो सानो बहिनीबाहेक सवै परिवारका सदस्यको पुठ्ठो ठूलो छ, मैले खाने जङ्क फुडको कुनै योगदान छैन ।’
यति ठूलो भारी बोकेर हिड्नुपर्दा आफुलाई जज्जाभन्दा पनि पीडा भएको उनले बताइन् । यसकै कारण ढाडको समस्या देखिन थालेपछि उनलाई हल्ला साइज घटाउन पाए हुनेथियो भन्ने लागिरहेको छ ।
तर पनि सारा मासीलाई सबैभन्दा ठूलो नितम्ब भएकोमा गर्व छ । शिकागोकी दुई बच्चाकी आमा सारा धेरै हिडडुल गर्न सक्दिनन् । तर, कीर्तिमानी आकारको उनको नितम्बले उनलाई मासिक रुपमा ७ सय ५० पाउन्ड अशक्त भत्ता दिलाएको छ ।
सुरु–सुरुमा उनलाई मानिसहरुबाट आउने प्रतिक्रियाले निकै नराम्रो लाग्थ्यो । विद्यालयमा जाँदा केटाकेटीहरु उनलाई डम्प ट्रक भनेर जिस्काउँथे । तर, अहिले शिर ठाडो गरेर हिड्ने गरेको उनले बताइन् । ‘अब म यसप्रति गर्व गर्छु र विश्वलाई देखाउन चाहन्छु ।’ उनले भनेकी छिन ।
आफ्नो शशिरले ठूलो जिउडाल भएका बिश्वभरका महिलालाई उत्साह मिल्ने उनको दावी छ । फ्यानका लागि फोटो सुट समेत गरेकी उनले भनिन–‘मेरो पुठ्ठोले बुढो उमेरका पुरुषहरुलाई निकै आर्कर्षित गर्छ, त्यसमा मेरा पति पनि एक हुन् ।’
तन्नेरी केटाहरुले आफ्ना स्लीम साथीहरुमाथि आँखा लगाउने गरे पनि बुढाहरुले भने आफ्नो शरीरको खुवै तारिफ गर्ने उनले बताइन् । ’त्यसैले मभन्दा १०÷२० बर्ष बुढाहरुसँगै मेरो सम्बन्ध हुने गरेको छ ।’ उनले भनिन् ।
ठूलो पुठ्ठोे बंशाणुगत उपहार भएको उनले बताइन् । ‘मेरो सानो बहिनीबाहेक सवै परिवारका सदस्यको पुठ्ठो ठूलो छ, मैले खाने जङ्क फुडको कुनै योगदान छैन ।’
यति ठूलो भारी बोकेर हिड्नुपर्दा आफुलाई जज्जाभन्दा पनि पीडा भएको उनले बताइन् । यसकै कारण ढाडको समस्या देखिन थालेपछि उनलाई हल्ला साइज घटाउन पाए हुनेथियो भन्ने लागिरहेको छ ।
Thursday 5 December 2013
32 million Americans threatened by advancing wicked arctic winter storm
Even if you live in Texas or California, it’s time to get the long-johns out because an icy blast of brutal weather has targeted about 32 million people.
“This cold air is going to overtake just about the entire country,” Weather Channel meteorologist Carol Parker told NBC. Some people are calling the storm the Siberian Express, NBC said.
In San Fransisco, temperatures Wednesday fell to the 30s. In the Central Valley, low temperatures were threatening the citrus crop.
About a foot of snow is predicted for Duluth, Minn., this after a 2-foot dump of the white stuff on Tuesday. That will be followed by intense cold – the temperature could be minus 22 by Friday.
And in Dallas, ice is threatening to knock out power. Predictions are that the temperature in Lubbock, Texas, which stood at 77 on Tuesday, could plummet to below 10 Friday.
Parts of Oklahoma and Arkansas have been issued a winter storm warning by the National Weather Service.
The Weather Channel said the storm, named Cleon, is already producing heavy snow and is headed into the South and Midwest, with both snow and ice through the end of the week.
Millions of people are in the path of the storm, the Weather Channel said.
The culprit is an “enormous, brutal mass of arctic air shoving south over most of the United States – threatening 32 million people for the rest of the week with snow, ice, wind and extraordinary drops in the temperature,” NBC reported.
Meteorologist Megan Glaros said that the storm should exit the Rockies on Wednesday before spreading.
“After the snow comes the cold,” she told CBS News. “We’re talking about 20 to 40 degree[s] below normal high temperatures today [Wednesday] and record lows potentially across the growing regions of California. Dangerous cold will continue filtering in across the eastern half of the United States, slowly this week.”
Ice storms are expected in Texas through Pennsylvania beginning midday Thursday, she said.
“This cold air is going to overtake just about the entire country,” Weather Channel meteorologist Carol Parker told NBC. Some people are calling the storm the Siberian Express, NBC said.
In San Fransisco, temperatures Wednesday fell to the 30s. In the Central Valley, low temperatures were threatening the citrus crop.
About a foot of snow is predicted for Duluth, Minn., this after a 2-foot dump of the white stuff on Tuesday. That will be followed by intense cold – the temperature could be minus 22 by Friday.
And in Dallas, ice is threatening to knock out power. Predictions are that the temperature in Lubbock, Texas, which stood at 77 on Tuesday, could plummet to below 10 Friday.
Parts of Oklahoma and Arkansas have been issued a winter storm warning by the National Weather Service.
The Weather Channel said the storm, named Cleon, is already producing heavy snow and is headed into the South and Midwest, with both snow and ice through the end of the week.
Millions of people are in the path of the storm, the Weather Channel said.
The culprit is an “enormous, brutal mass of arctic air shoving south over most of the United States – threatening 32 million people for the rest of the week with snow, ice, wind and extraordinary drops in the temperature,” NBC reported.
Meteorologist Megan Glaros said that the storm should exit the Rockies on Wednesday before spreading.
“After the snow comes the cold,” she told CBS News. “We’re talking about 20 to 40 degree[s] below normal high temperatures today [Wednesday] and record lows potentially across the growing regions of California. Dangerous cold will continue filtering in across the eastern half of the United States, slowly this week.”
Ice storms are expected in Texas through Pennsylvania beginning midday Thursday, she said.
Wednesday 4 December 2013
Mayra Rosales Discusses Life After Murder Acquittal In 'Half-ton Killer: Transformed'
In the last 24 months, Mayra Rosales has had two heavy loads lifted from her.
In Jan. 2012, she was acquitted of the 2008 murder of her nephew, Eliseo, which she allegedly did when she accidentally rolled over and crushed him under her 1,028-pound frame.
Next, she decided to lose as much of the weight as possible.
Her life since her acquittal is now the focus of a new documentary, "Half-ton Killer: Transformed," debuting Dec. 4 on TLC.
During her trial, Rosales, now 32, testified she saw her sister use a brush to hit Eliseo repeatedly on his arms, legs and head, and only originally confessed to the crime so that her sister's other kids would still have a mom.
She changed her mind after she saw her sister abusing her other children. Her lawyer, Sergio Valdez, won her freedom by demonstrating she was "too fat to kill."
Doctors also testified that Eliseo died from being hit, not from being smothered.
Jaime Rosales ultimately pleaded guilty to causing injury to a child and is now serving a 15-year sentence.
Since the acquittal, Rosales has turned over a new leaf and went on a strict weight-loss regimen and is now down to nearly 200 pounds.
"A lot of it is the diet," she told Access Hollywood. "I'm eating healthy food. Everything is measured by a dietician."
TLC is trying to keep Rosales' new appearance a secret until the show debuts, but an image which appeared on her Facebook page offered a sneak-peek.
Wednesday 27 November 2013
पुरुषहरुलाई आकर्षित गर्नकै लागि २२ हजार पाउन्ड खर्च
Everyone knows the feeling of walking into a room full of friendly faces, and although each person seems nice, open and willing to talk, only one face stands out from the crowd. There may be a lot of physically fit people in the room, but you can't seem to take your eyes off of this one body in particular. You can't put your finger on the reasons, but you know there's a biological force driving you toward a specific type of person.
What causes us to be attracted to one person more than another? Romantic attraction certainly isn't an exact science, but experts do have some ideas about what qualities attract more than others. Here are a few things you need to know about attraction.
Tuesday 26 November 2013
Your voice can tell on you!
Men and women alter their voices when speaking to lovers versus friends and such variations can potentially be used to detect infidelity, scientists say.
“It’s not just that we change the sound of our voice, but that others can easily perceive those changes,” said Susan Hughes, associate professor of psychology Albright College, US.
The study looked at how individuals alter their voices, or engage in voice modulation, when speaking to romantic partners versus same-sex friends during brief telephone conversations.
Researchers recruited 24 callers who were newly in love and still in the so-called honeymoon period. Callers were asked to phone their romantic partners, as well as a close same-sex friend, and in both cases engage in a conversation asking specifically ‘how are you?’ and ‘what are you doing?’
Researchers then played the recordings to 80 independent raters who judged the samples for sexiness, pleasantness and degree of romantic interest. Raters were exposed to only one end of the conversation and, in some cases, for only 2 seconds.
Still, raters were able to correctly identify, with greater than chance accuracy, whether the caller was speaking to a friend or lover, leading researchers to believe that people will alter their voice to communicate their relationship status.
“Vocal samples directed toward romantic partners were rated as sounding more pleasant, sexier and reflecting greater romantic interest than those directed toward same-sex friends,” according to the study.
Researchers also performed a spectrogram analysis on the samples to examine pitch and found that both men and women tend to mimic or match the pitch of their romantic partners.
Women will use a lower pitch, while men will employ a higher one when speaking to their romantic partner.
According to the study, this effect ‘represents desire for affiliation and intimacy’ and is a “way to communicate affection and relational connection – ‘I am one with you.’”
“It’s not just that we change the sound of our voice, but that others can easily perceive those changes,” said Susan Hughes, associate professor of psychology Albright College, US.
The study looked at how individuals alter their voices, or engage in voice modulation, when speaking to romantic partners versus same-sex friends during brief telephone conversations.
Researchers recruited 24 callers who were newly in love and still in the so-called honeymoon period. Callers were asked to phone their romantic partners, as well as a close same-sex friend, and in both cases engage in a conversation asking specifically ‘how are you?’ and ‘what are you doing?’
Researchers then played the recordings to 80 independent raters who judged the samples for sexiness, pleasantness and degree of romantic interest. Raters were exposed to only one end of the conversation and, in some cases, for only 2 seconds.
Still, raters were able to correctly identify, with greater than chance accuracy, whether the caller was speaking to a friend or lover, leading researchers to believe that people will alter their voice to communicate their relationship status.
“Vocal samples directed toward romantic partners were rated as sounding more pleasant, sexier and reflecting greater romantic interest than those directed toward same-sex friends,” according to the study.
Researchers also performed a spectrogram analysis on the samples to examine pitch and found that both men and women tend to mimic or match the pitch of their romantic partners.
Women will use a lower pitch, while men will employ a higher one when speaking to their romantic partner.
According to the study, this effect ‘represents desire for affiliation and intimacy’ and is a “way to communicate affection and relational connection – ‘I am one with you.’”
Three things women want..
A very popular saying goes like this “A woman is a foreign land, of which, though there he settle young, A man will never quite understand The customs, politics, and tongue”.
It is not only in Nepal or India it is everywhere men often complain that women are difficult to understand, they are inscrutable. There is a Men struggle to find out what she really is thinking and what she is really about. It applies to all men wherever they live.
Be sure! Understanding girl is not rocket science. It is not that much hard. But you have to listen to them carefully, you have to follow them with patience and you need to be sensitive to her.
Here are some tips to ease the relation with your better half. Read on and you will find it useful and hopefully understand them better.
1. Leave childish behavior, be Mature
Women want their men to grow up and show mature behavior. They want their men to be calm, composed and in control. You have to show that you can face fears and you are not an escapist.
2. Listen to her with patience
If you want long term relationship with her, you have to enhance your listening skill anyway. Every time you cannot guarantee answer but show your concerns to her. She needs someone who can listen to and supports her.
3. Be honest and Reliable
If you are caught lying, she would not forgive you easily so confess your mistakes to her if you have committed. She always looks for dependable partner and it means a lot to her.
It is not only in Nepal or India it is everywhere men often complain that women are difficult to understand, they are inscrutable. There is a Men struggle to find out what she really is thinking and what she is really about. It applies to all men wherever they live.
Be sure! Understanding girl is not rocket science. It is not that much hard. But you have to listen to them carefully, you have to follow them with patience and you need to be sensitive to her.
Here are some tips to ease the relation with your better half. Read on and you will find it useful and hopefully understand them better.
1. Leave childish behavior, be Mature
Women want their men to grow up and show mature behavior. They want their men to be calm, composed and in control. You have to show that you can face fears and you are not an escapist.
2. Listen to her with patience
If you want long term relationship with her, you have to enhance your listening skill anyway. Every time you cannot guarantee answer but show your concerns to her. She needs someone who can listen to and supports her.
3. Be honest and Reliable
If you are caught lying, she would not forgive you easily so confess your mistakes to her if you have committed. She always looks for dependable partner and it means a lot to her.
Monday 25 November 2013
Female are forward 10 times better than Male
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Monday 11 November 2013
Love, Hate, and Bat-sh*t Crazy in Marriage
I love and hate my husband. Shocked? There are things about him which I can't tolerate and end up having to just ignore. And I don't mean just that he doesn't pick up his socks (which he doesn't.) I know he feels the same way. For many years, he's called those parts he hates - the alien. One morning he woke, he says, looked across the bed and saw her - the alien.
I'm too anxious, he thinks. He risks too much, I think. I want more order; he's more laid-back. I need lots more reassurance, he has traditionally needed more autonomy. Even today, we're in the backyard with our dogs, working under the trees with our separate laptops enjoying some parallel work. We talk about going for a long walk later and he mentions he's going to the pool. I feel let down. Our togetherness will be broken. I know it's clingy and crazy. I still feel it. The difference now is I don't whine about it. I let go. Fortunately for him, sex is reassuring to me. Sometimes we see the shadow in our partner at the altar. So many young couples tell me that sex goes off-line for them almost on their wedding day. Truly the veil is lifted from our eyes and suddenly we see the imperfection of who we are marrying. It's frightening - sometimes frightening enough to not want to give the love we've just promised.
Twenty-seven years ago, as I shut the hotel door on my wedding night, I asked myself, "what do I really know about this man?!" He told me I hadn't danced with him enough at the reception. One night we didn't make love in Hawaii; I didn't know what to make of it. We both felt devastated at some point on the honeymoon. Our perfection had been quickly shattered.
Being a "good-enough" parent means acknowledging that we love and hate our kids. Sometimes they are little sh*ts. I know we drive them crazy too - they love and hate us. I follow an extremely, funny, Facebook friend who shares all the magnificent things her kid does.Occasionally she wants to strangle her precious darling too. I'm sure my friend is a terrific mother because she doesn't spend any energy fretting over her parental ambivalence. Our youngest son says his dad is the most patient person he knows. Dad's password for monitoring the kids' computer time and access has been "kidssuck." We all have mixed feelings for our loved ones. Acknowledging them on the inside allows us to get a hold of the shadow.
Light and dark. It's inside us too. We hate that we're not perfect, that we come from families that are slightly crazy (or mostly crazy) that now we do things that are halfway crazy. Parts that we hated about our parents are now manifest in our relationships. Yuck. Somehow accepting our shadow gives us space to begin to understand it. My husband says that all our personality parts have good intentions but sometimes don't know about effective ways to help us and end up hurting us. Worrying about our own shadow can take all the energy we've got and give our partner a break as we let up on them.
Last night, someone at my Social Saturday gathering said, she believed everyone had a little "bat-shit crazy" in them. I do - I'll bet you do too.
Hint - if you read this post and thought, "my partner needs to read this," you missed my point.
Join my daily blog on AskLaurieWatson. You can find my book Wanting Sex Again on Amazon and at your local bookstore. For weekend retreats, intensives and consultations go to Sex Therapy.
Twenty-seven years ago, as I shut the hotel door on my wedding night, I asked myself, "what do I really know about this man?!" He told me I hadn't danced with him enough at the reception. One night we didn't make love in Hawaii; I didn't know what to make of it. We both felt devastated at some point on the honeymoon. Our perfection had been quickly shattered.
Being a "good-enough" parent means acknowledging that we love and hate our kids. Sometimes they are little sh*ts. I know we drive them crazy too - they love and hate us. I follow an extremely, funny, Facebook friend who shares all the magnificent things her kid does.Occasionally she wants to strangle her precious darling too. I'm sure my friend is a terrific mother because she doesn't spend any energy fretting over her parental ambivalence. Our youngest son says his dad is the most patient person he knows. Dad's password for monitoring the kids' computer time and access has been "kidssuck." We all have mixed feelings for our loved ones. Acknowledging them on the inside allows us to get a hold of the shadow.
Light and dark. It's inside us too. We hate that we're not perfect, that we come from families that are slightly crazy (or mostly crazy) that now we do things that are halfway crazy. Parts that we hated about our parents are now manifest in our relationships. Yuck. Somehow accepting our shadow gives us space to begin to understand it. My husband says that all our personality parts have good intentions but sometimes don't know about effective ways to help us and end up hurting us. Worrying about our own shadow can take all the energy we've got and give our partner a break as we let up on them.
Last night, someone at my Social Saturday gathering said, she believed everyone had a little "bat-shit crazy" in them. I do - I'll bet you do too.
Hint - if you read this post and thought, "my partner needs to read this," you missed my point.
Join my daily blog on AskLaurieWatson. You can find my book Wanting Sex Again on Amazon and at your local bookstore. For weekend retreats, intensives and consultations go to Sex Therapy.
Sunday 3 November 2013
A man's perspective on why engagement rings are a joke
Most of us are adult enough to know magic doesn't exist. And yet we're the same species that thinks fat rings are fairy-tale items which somehow "secure" another person's love, one step away from a "happily ever after".
They're expensive, useless and, worse, are insulting to notions of actual love. As anyone who's been in a serious long-term relationship knows, you don't need geology to proclaim (let alone justify) said love.
Before you take me for a cheapskate who just doesn't want to spend the money on a ring, let me explain a bit more. Many of us, especially men, have strapped our feet to the commercialised notions of what constitutes relationships. We've turned into zombies, hungry for all things red and supposedly lovey dovey. We buy into the baffling displays of romance like the nauseating crimson heart-shaped horror show we call Valentine's Day. Or the flowers and boxed chocolates we're supposed to deliver on anniversaries to celebrate monogamous tolerance and the disbelief you haven't murdered each other.
We speed through our finances and morals, enjoying the exhilaration of fitting in to societal expectation, as opposed to reflecting on whether our actions are warranted or justified. And our partners seem all too ready to go along with it.
Engagement rings – specifically expensive diamond ones – are often prime examples of this unthinking mindset. The problem isn't the rings themselves, but the justifications – or the lack of justifications – behind their acquisition.
We mustn't confuse engagement rings – given, usually to a woman, when a proposal is accepted – and wedding rings – given on wedding day. (Already, we should recognise how strange it is to need two different kinds of rings.)
Whatever the long history of engagement items – I've heard claims of it dating from ancient Egypt or Rome, for example – the focus on engagement rings should really start with De Beers, in the 20th century.
After large diamond mines were discovered here in South Africa around 1870, the mines' major investors amalgamated their interests to form De Beers Consolidates Mines. They recognised that due to diamonds having little intrinsic value, they would need to create demand via (the illusion of) scarcity and pretend worth. So began one of the most successful marketing and public manipulation campaigns of the 20th century, originating from four words: "A diamond is forever".
By convincing men their love for their future wife is directly proportional to the expense of the diamond ring, and convincing women to expect love in the form of shiny stone, De Beers and their marketers, NW Ayer, began a tradition so embedded we forget it's a marketing ploy. Genius marketing, to be sure, but marketing nonetheless.
And guess what? The prices keep going up, as if we are really loving more and deeper these days. According to the XO Group Inc 2011 Engagement Engagement & Jewelry survey, the average engagement ring cost $5,200. If you think that's bad, consider that nearly 12% of US couples spend more than $8,000 for an engagement ring. Of course, we should take such stats with some measure of scepticism, as Will Oremus highlights. Nonetheless, these are the prices at a time when the average American family earns less than it did in 1989.
The American bias of these stats shouldn't negate the overall point: diamonds – and therefore diamond rings – are expensive and the demand was created artificially for an item that's only property here is shininess (it decreases in value as soon as you walk out the store).
Any remotely logical person can see that spending several thousand on actually important items for a new couple like a place to live or putting money in an investment account will serve them far better in the future (and likely help with romantic and/or wedded bliss).
That engagement ring purchases tend to be for women – not by women – is also insulting to the cause of not viewing women as objects to be acquired. Consider that this is worthy of a headline in a respected US magazine at the beginning of this month: "Women Now Paying for Their Own Engagement Rings".
Many people will say that engagement rings are symbolic of love and devotion. Ignoring that this idea is itself manufactured by the profiting businesses, it also gives an arbitrary definition of "symbol": why can't a beautiful home be a symbol? Why can't long-term investments be a symbol? Indeed, would it not be more impressive to show off a house than a finger rock?
Tradition is another assertion when discussing almost anything to do with monogamy and marriage. But, like nature, tradition is a description not moral justification. Just because we've always done a particular action, doesn't mean it's always (or ever was) justified. Pointing to tradition means pointing to the mistreatment of different races and sexes, human sacrifices, and so on. Longevity, too, doesn't give moral immunity, or automatic goodness, to anything.
Engagement rings aren't even used to show one is married: they're used before the wedding even occurs. Indeed, even helping avoid awkward social encounters isn't aided, since there are other (and cheaper) ways of showing you're "in a relatinship" (not to mention just telling people trying to hit on you).
If you need a ring to prove your love, it's not your lack of a ring that's the problem.
They're expensive, useless and, worse, are insulting to notions of actual love. As anyone who's been in a serious long-term relationship knows, you don't need geology to proclaim (let alone justify) said love.
Before you take me for a cheapskate who just doesn't want to spend the money on a ring, let me explain a bit more. Many of us, especially men, have strapped our feet to the commercialised notions of what constitutes relationships. We've turned into zombies, hungry for all things red and supposedly lovey dovey. We buy into the baffling displays of romance like the nauseating crimson heart-shaped horror show we call Valentine's Day. Or the flowers and boxed chocolates we're supposed to deliver on anniversaries to celebrate monogamous tolerance and the disbelief you haven't murdered each other.
We speed through our finances and morals, enjoying the exhilaration of fitting in to societal expectation, as opposed to reflecting on whether our actions are warranted or justified. And our partners seem all too ready to go along with it.
Engagement rings – specifically expensive diamond ones – are often prime examples of this unthinking mindset. The problem isn't the rings themselves, but the justifications – or the lack of justifications – behind their acquisition.
We mustn't confuse engagement rings – given, usually to a woman, when a proposal is accepted – and wedding rings – given on wedding day. (Already, we should recognise how strange it is to need two different kinds of rings.)
Whatever the long history of engagement items – I've heard claims of it dating from ancient Egypt or Rome, for example – the focus on engagement rings should really start with De Beers, in the 20th century.
After large diamond mines were discovered here in South Africa around 1870, the mines' major investors amalgamated their interests to form De Beers Consolidates Mines. They recognised that due to diamonds having little intrinsic value, they would need to create demand via (the illusion of) scarcity and pretend worth. So began one of the most successful marketing and public manipulation campaigns of the 20th century, originating from four words: "A diamond is forever".
By convincing men their love for their future wife is directly proportional to the expense of the diamond ring, and convincing women to expect love in the form of shiny stone, De Beers and their marketers, NW Ayer, began a tradition so embedded we forget it's a marketing ploy. Genius marketing, to be sure, but marketing nonetheless.
And guess what? The prices keep going up, as if we are really loving more and deeper these days. According to the XO Group Inc 2011 Engagement Engagement & Jewelry survey, the average engagement ring cost $5,200. If you think that's bad, consider that nearly 12% of US couples spend more than $8,000 for an engagement ring. Of course, we should take such stats with some measure of scepticism, as Will Oremus highlights. Nonetheless, these are the prices at a time when the average American family earns less than it did in 1989.
The American bias of these stats shouldn't negate the overall point: diamonds – and therefore diamond rings – are expensive and the demand was created artificially for an item that's only property here is shininess (it decreases in value as soon as you walk out the store).
Any remotely logical person can see that spending several thousand on actually important items for a new couple like a place to live or putting money in an investment account will serve them far better in the future (and likely help with romantic and/or wedded bliss).
That engagement ring purchases tend to be for women – not by women – is also insulting to the cause of not viewing women as objects to be acquired. Consider that this is worthy of a headline in a respected US magazine at the beginning of this month: "Women Now Paying for Their Own Engagement Rings".
Many people will say that engagement rings are symbolic of love and devotion. Ignoring that this idea is itself manufactured by the profiting businesses, it also gives an arbitrary definition of "symbol": why can't a beautiful home be a symbol? Why can't long-term investments be a symbol? Indeed, would it not be more impressive to show off a house than a finger rock?
Tradition is another assertion when discussing almost anything to do with monogamy and marriage. But, like nature, tradition is a description not moral justification. Just because we've always done a particular action, doesn't mean it's always (or ever was) justified. Pointing to tradition means pointing to the mistreatment of different races and sexes, human sacrifices, and so on. Longevity, too, doesn't give moral immunity, or automatic goodness, to anything.
Engagement rings aren't even used to show one is married: they're used before the wedding even occurs. Indeed, even helping avoid awkward social encounters isn't aided, since there are other (and cheaper) ways of showing you're "in a relatinship" (not to mention just telling people trying to hit on you).
If you need a ring to prove your love, it's not your lack of a ring that's the problem.
How the 'thigh gap' became the latest pressure point on a woman's self-image
She may have modelled for Ralph Lauren and appeared on the cover of Vogue Italia, but when a photo of Robyn Lawley wearing a corset appeared on Facebook the responses were far from complimentary. "Pig", "hefty" and "too fat" were some of the ways in which commenters described the 24-year-old. Her crime? Her thighs were touching. Lawley had failed to achieve a "thigh gap".
The model, who has her own swimwear line and has won numerous awards for her work, responded vehemently below the line: "You sit behind a computer screen objectifying my body, judging it and insulting it, without even knowing it."
She also went on to pen a thoughtful rallying cry for the Daily Beast last week against those who attacked her, saying their words were "just another tool of manipulation that other people are trying to use to keep me from loving my body".
The response to her article was electric and Lawley was invited to speak about thigh-gap prejudice on America's NBC Today. In a careful and downbeat tone, she explained: "It's basically when your upper middle thighs do not touch when you're standing with your legs together."
The Urban Dictionary website describes it in no uncertain terms as "the gap between a woman's thighs directly below the vagina, often diamond shaped when the thighs are together."
The thigh gap is not a new concept to Lawley, who at 6ft 2in and 12 stone is classified as a "plus-size" model, and who remembers learning about it aged 12. But the growth of Instagram and other social media has allowed the concept of a thigh gap to enter the public consciousness and become an alarming, and exasperating, new trend among girls and women.
A typical example is a Twitter account devoted solely to Cara Delevingne's thigh gap, which the model initially described as "pretty funny" but also "quite crazy".
Selfies commonly show one part of a person's anatomy, a way of compartmentalising body sections to show them in the best light, and the thigh gap is particularly popular. What was once a standard barometer of thinness among models is now apparently sought after by a wider public.
The thigh gap has its own hashtag on Twitter, under which users post pictures of non-touching thighs for inspiration, and numerous dedicated blogs. The images posted mirror the ubiquitous images of young, slim models and pop stars in shorts, often at festivals such as Glastonbury or Coachella, that have flooded the mainstream media in recent years, bringing with them the idea that skinniness, glamour and fun are intertwined.
There is even a "how to" page on the internet, although worshippers of thin may be disappointed to find that the first step is to "understand that a thigh gap is not physically possible for most people".
Naomi Shimada began modelling at 13, but had to quit the industry when her weight changed. "I was what they call a straight-size model – a size 6 – when I started, which is normal for a very young girl.
"But as I got older my body didn't stay like that, because, guess what, that doesn't happen to people! So I took a break and went back in as a size 14 and now work as a plus-size model."
Shimada is unequivocal about where the obsession with the thigh gap comes from. "It's not a new trend: it's been around for years. It comes partly from a fashion industry that won't acknowledge that there are different ways a woman should look, and it comes from the pro-anorexic community. It's a path to an eating disorder."
Caryn Franklin, the former Clothes Show presenter who co-founded the diversity campaign All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, is quite appalled. "We now have a culture that convinces women to see themselves as an exterior only, and evaluating and measuring the component parts of their bodies is one of the symptoms.
"Young women do not have enough female role models showing them action or intellect. In their place are scantily clad celebrities. Sadly, young women are wrongly looking to fashion for some kind of guidance on what it is to be female."
Franklin, who was fashion editor of style magazine i-D in the 1980s, says it hasn't always been this way: "I had spent my teen years listening to Germaine Greer and Susie Orbach talking about female intellect.
"When I came out of college I knew I had a contribution to make that wasn't based on my appearance. I then landed in a fashion culture that was busy celebrating diversity. There was no media saying 'get the look' and pointing to celebrities as style leaders because there wasn't a homogenised fashion look, and there weren't digital platforms that meant that I was exposed to more images of unachievable beauty."
Asked whether the fixation on skinny thighs is a way of forcing women's bodies to look pre-pubescent, Franklin says: "This culture has encouraged women to infantilise themselves. When you are so fixated on approval for what you look like, you are a little girl: you haven't grown up."
For many, the emergence of the thigh gap trend is baffling.
"About four hours ago, as far as I was concerned a 'thigh gap' was something anyone could have if they stood up and placed their feet wider than hip distance apart," wrote Vice journalist Bertie Brandes when she discovered the phenomenon.
"A thigh gap is actually the hollow cavity which appears between the tops of your legs when you stand with your feet together. It also means that your body is underweight."
Other bloggers have responded with a sense of the absurd; feminist blog Smells Like Girl Riot recently posted a diagram of a skeleton to show why the ischium and the pubis cannot be altered through diet alone.
Shimada, now 26, is about to launch her own fanzine, A-Genda, which aims to use a diverse range of models to show young women "something healthy to aspire to".
"When I was a really young model there were girls who used to talk about the pencil test, which is when you measure the depth of your waist against the length of a pencil, and back dimples, when the lack of fat would create concave areas of skin," she says. "But I don't even think this kind of thing is limited to the fashion industry any more. It's all a big mess. But we all have to play a role in making it better."
Franklin also wonders: "When did everyone become so narcissistic? What happened to intellect? My sense of myself was not informed by a very shallow patriarchal media that prioritised the objectification of women – it was informed by feminism."
Lawley signed off her call to arms with a similar acknowledgement of the potential power of women's bodies.
"I've been trying to do just the opposite: I want my thighs to be bigger and stronger. I want to run faster and swim longer. I suppose we all just want different things, but women have enough pressure as it is without the added burden of achieving a 'thigh gap'.
"The last thing I would want for my future daughter would be to starve herself because she thought a 'thigh gap' was necessary to be deemed attractive."
The model, who has her own swimwear line and has won numerous awards for her work, responded vehemently below the line: "You sit behind a computer screen objectifying my body, judging it and insulting it, without even knowing it."
She also went on to pen a thoughtful rallying cry for the Daily Beast last week against those who attacked her, saying their words were "just another tool of manipulation that other people are trying to use to keep me from loving my body".
The response to her article was electric and Lawley was invited to speak about thigh-gap prejudice on America's NBC Today. In a careful and downbeat tone, she explained: "It's basically when your upper middle thighs do not touch when you're standing with your legs together."
The Urban Dictionary website describes it in no uncertain terms as "the gap between a woman's thighs directly below the vagina, often diamond shaped when the thighs are together."
The thigh gap is not a new concept to Lawley, who at 6ft 2in and 12 stone is classified as a "plus-size" model, and who remembers learning about it aged 12. But the growth of Instagram and other social media has allowed the concept of a thigh gap to enter the public consciousness and become an alarming, and exasperating, new trend among girls and women.
A typical example is a Twitter account devoted solely to Cara Delevingne's thigh gap, which the model initially described as "pretty funny" but also "quite crazy".
Selfies commonly show one part of a person's anatomy, a way of compartmentalising body sections to show them in the best light, and the thigh gap is particularly popular. What was once a standard barometer of thinness among models is now apparently sought after by a wider public.
The thigh gap has its own hashtag on Twitter, under which users post pictures of non-touching thighs for inspiration, and numerous dedicated blogs. The images posted mirror the ubiquitous images of young, slim models and pop stars in shorts, often at festivals such as Glastonbury or Coachella, that have flooded the mainstream media in recent years, bringing with them the idea that skinniness, glamour and fun are intertwined.
There is even a "how to" page on the internet, although worshippers of thin may be disappointed to find that the first step is to "understand that a thigh gap is not physically possible for most people".
Naomi Shimada began modelling at 13, but had to quit the industry when her weight changed. "I was what they call a straight-size model – a size 6 – when I started, which is normal for a very young girl.
"But as I got older my body didn't stay like that, because, guess what, that doesn't happen to people! So I took a break and went back in as a size 14 and now work as a plus-size model."
Shimada is unequivocal about where the obsession with the thigh gap comes from. "It's not a new trend: it's been around for years. It comes partly from a fashion industry that won't acknowledge that there are different ways a woman should look, and it comes from the pro-anorexic community. It's a path to an eating disorder."
Caryn Franklin, the former Clothes Show presenter who co-founded the diversity campaign All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, is quite appalled. "We now have a culture that convinces women to see themselves as an exterior only, and evaluating and measuring the component parts of their bodies is one of the symptoms.
"Young women do not have enough female role models showing them action or intellect. In their place are scantily clad celebrities. Sadly, young women are wrongly looking to fashion for some kind of guidance on what it is to be female."
Franklin, who was fashion editor of style magazine i-D in the 1980s, says it hasn't always been this way: "I had spent my teen years listening to Germaine Greer and Susie Orbach talking about female intellect.
"When I came out of college I knew I had a contribution to make that wasn't based on my appearance. I then landed in a fashion culture that was busy celebrating diversity. There was no media saying 'get the look' and pointing to celebrities as style leaders because there wasn't a homogenised fashion look, and there weren't digital platforms that meant that I was exposed to more images of unachievable beauty."
Asked whether the fixation on skinny thighs is a way of forcing women's bodies to look pre-pubescent, Franklin says: "This culture has encouraged women to infantilise themselves. When you are so fixated on approval for what you look like, you are a little girl: you haven't grown up."
For many, the emergence of the thigh gap trend is baffling.
"About four hours ago, as far as I was concerned a 'thigh gap' was something anyone could have if they stood up and placed their feet wider than hip distance apart," wrote Vice journalist Bertie Brandes when she discovered the phenomenon.
"A thigh gap is actually the hollow cavity which appears between the tops of your legs when you stand with your feet together. It also means that your body is underweight."
Other bloggers have responded with a sense of the absurd; feminist blog Smells Like Girl Riot recently posted a diagram of a skeleton to show why the ischium and the pubis cannot be altered through diet alone.
Shimada, now 26, is about to launch her own fanzine, A-Genda, which aims to use a diverse range of models to show young women "something healthy to aspire to".
"When I was a really young model there were girls who used to talk about the pencil test, which is when you measure the depth of your waist against the length of a pencil, and back dimples, when the lack of fat would create concave areas of skin," she says. "But I don't even think this kind of thing is limited to the fashion industry any more. It's all a big mess. But we all have to play a role in making it better."
Franklin also wonders: "When did everyone become so narcissistic? What happened to intellect? My sense of myself was not informed by a very shallow patriarchal media that prioritised the objectification of women – it was informed by feminism."
Lawley signed off her call to arms with a similar acknowledgement of the potential power of women's bodies.
"I've been trying to do just the opposite: I want my thighs to be bigger and stronger. I want to run faster and swim longer. I suppose we all just want different things, but women have enough pressure as it is without the added burden of achieving a 'thigh gap'.
"The last thing I would want for my future daughter would be to starve herself because she thought a 'thigh gap' was necessary to be deemed attractive."
A man's perspective on why engagement rings are a joke
Most of us are adult enough to know magic doesn't exist. And yet we're the same species that thinks fat rings are fairy-tale items which somehow "secure" another person's love, one step away from a "happily ever after".
They're expensive, useless and, worse, are insulting to notions of actual love. As anyone who's been in a serious long-term relationship knows, you don't need geology to proclaim (let alone justify) said love.
Before you take me for a cheapskate who just doesn't want to spend the money on a ring, let me explain a bit more. Many of us, especially men, have strapped our feet to the commercialised notions of what constitutes relationships. We've turned into zombies, hungry for all things red and supposedly lovey dovey. We buy into the baffling displays of romance like the nauseating crimson heart-shaped horror show we call Valentine's Day. Or the flowers and boxed chocolates we're supposed to deliver on anniversaries to celebrate monogamous tolerance and the disbelief you haven't murdered each other.
We speed through our finances and morals, enjoying the exhilaration of fitting in to societal expectation, as opposed to reflecting on whether our actions are warranted or justified. And our partners seem all too ready to go along with it.
Engagement rings – specifically expensive diamond ones – are often prime examples of this unthinking mindset. The problem isn't the rings themselves, but the justifications – or the lack of justifications – behind their acquisition.
We mustn't confuse engagement rings – given, usually to a woman, when a proposal is accepted – and wedding rings – given on wedding day. (Already, we should recognise how strange it is to need two different kinds of rings.)
Whatever the long history of engagement items – I've heard claims of it dating from ancient Egypt or Rome, for example – the focus on engagement rings should really start with De Beers, in the 20th century.
After large diamond mines were discovered here in South Africa around 1870, the mines' major investors amalgamated their interests to form De Beers Consolidates Mines. They recognised that due to diamonds having little intrinsic value, they would need to create demand via (the illusion of) scarcity and pretend worth. So began one of the most successful marketing and public manipulation campaigns of the 20th century, originating from four words: "A diamond is forever".
By convincing men their love for their future wife is directly proportional to the expense of the diamond ring, and convincing women to expect love in the form of shiny stone, De Beers and their marketers, NW Ayer, began a tradition so embedded we forget it's a marketing ploy. Genius marketing, to be sure, but marketing nonetheless.
And guess what? The prices keep going up, as if we are really loving more and deeper these days. According to the XO Group Inc 2011 Engagement Engagement & Jewelry survey, the average engagement ring cost $5,200. If you think that's bad, consider that nearly 12% of US couples spend more than $8,000 for an engagement ring. Of course, we should take such stats with some measure of scepticism, as Will Oremus highlights. Nonetheless, these are the prices at a time when the average American family earns less than it did in 1989.
The American bias of these stats shouldn't negate the overall point: diamonds – and therefore diamond rings – are expensive and the demand was created artificially for an item that's only property here is shininess (it decreases in value as soon as you walk out the store).
Any remotely logical person can see that spending several thousand on actually important items for a new couple like a place to live or putting money in an investment account will serve them far better in the future (and likely help with romantic and/or wedded bliss).
That engagement ring purchases tend to be for women – not by women – is also insulting to the cause of not viewing women as objects to be acquired. Consider that this is worthy of a headline in a respected US magazine at the beginning of this month: "Women Now Paying for Their Own Engagement Rings".
Many people will say that engagement rings are symbolic of love and devotion. Ignoring that this idea is itself manufactured by the profiting businesses, it also gives an arbitrary definition of "symbol": why can't a beautiful home be a symbol? Why can't long-term investments be a symbol? Indeed, would it not be more impressive to show off a house than a finger rock?
Tradition is another assertion when discussing almost anything to do with monogamy and marriage. But, like nature, tradition is a description not moral justification. Just because we've always done a particular action, doesn't mean it's always (or ever was) justified. Pointing to tradition means pointing to the mistreatment of different races and sexes, human sacrifices, and so on. Longevity, too, doesn't give moral immunity, or automatic goodness, to anything.
Engagement rings aren't even used to show one is married: they're used before the wedding even occurs. Indeed, even helping avoid awkward social encounters isn't aided, since there are other (and cheaper) ways of showing you're "in a relatinship" (not to mention just telling people trying to hit on you).
If you need a ring to prove your love, it's not your lack of a ring that's the problem.
They're expensive, useless and, worse, are insulting to notions of actual love. As anyone who's been in a serious long-term relationship knows, you don't need geology to proclaim (let alone justify) said love.
Before you take me for a cheapskate who just doesn't want to spend the money on a ring, let me explain a bit more. Many of us, especially men, have strapped our feet to the commercialised notions of what constitutes relationships. We've turned into zombies, hungry for all things red and supposedly lovey dovey. We buy into the baffling displays of romance like the nauseating crimson heart-shaped horror show we call Valentine's Day. Or the flowers and boxed chocolates we're supposed to deliver on anniversaries to celebrate monogamous tolerance and the disbelief you haven't murdered each other.
We speed through our finances and morals, enjoying the exhilaration of fitting in to societal expectation, as opposed to reflecting on whether our actions are warranted or justified. And our partners seem all too ready to go along with it.
Engagement rings – specifically expensive diamond ones – are often prime examples of this unthinking mindset. The problem isn't the rings themselves, but the justifications – or the lack of justifications – behind their acquisition.
We mustn't confuse engagement rings – given, usually to a woman, when a proposal is accepted – and wedding rings – given on wedding day. (Already, we should recognise how strange it is to need two different kinds of rings.)
Whatever the long history of engagement items – I've heard claims of it dating from ancient Egypt or Rome, for example – the focus on engagement rings should really start with De Beers, in the 20th century.
After large diamond mines were discovered here in South Africa around 1870, the mines' major investors amalgamated their interests to form De Beers Consolidates Mines. They recognised that due to diamonds having little intrinsic value, they would need to create demand via (the illusion of) scarcity and pretend worth. So began one of the most successful marketing and public manipulation campaigns of the 20th century, originating from four words: "A diamond is forever".
By convincing men their love for their future wife is directly proportional to the expense of the diamond ring, and convincing women to expect love in the form of shiny stone, De Beers and their marketers, NW Ayer, began a tradition so embedded we forget it's a marketing ploy. Genius marketing, to be sure, but marketing nonetheless.
And guess what? The prices keep going up, as if we are really loving more and deeper these days. According to the XO Group Inc 2011 Engagement Engagement & Jewelry survey, the average engagement ring cost $5,200. If you think that's bad, consider that nearly 12% of US couples spend more than $8,000 for an engagement ring. Of course, we should take such stats with some measure of scepticism, as Will Oremus highlights. Nonetheless, these are the prices at a time when the average American family earns less than it did in 1989.
The American bias of these stats shouldn't negate the overall point: diamonds – and therefore diamond rings – are expensive and the demand was created artificially for an item that's only property here is shininess (it decreases in value as soon as you walk out the store).
Any remotely logical person can see that spending several thousand on actually important items for a new couple like a place to live or putting money in an investment account will serve them far better in the future (and likely help with romantic and/or wedded bliss).
That engagement ring purchases tend to be for women – not by women – is also insulting to the cause of not viewing women as objects to be acquired. Consider that this is worthy of a headline in a respected US magazine at the beginning of this month: "Women Now Paying for Their Own Engagement Rings".
Many people will say that engagement rings are symbolic of love and devotion. Ignoring that this idea is itself manufactured by the profiting businesses, it also gives an arbitrary definition of "symbol": why can't a beautiful home be a symbol? Why can't long-term investments be a symbol? Indeed, would it not be more impressive to show off a house than a finger rock?
Tradition is another assertion when discussing almost anything to do with monogamy and marriage. But, like nature, tradition is a description not moral justification. Just because we've always done a particular action, doesn't mean it's always (or ever was) justified. Pointing to tradition means pointing to the mistreatment of different races and sexes, human sacrifices, and so on. Longevity, too, doesn't give moral immunity, or automatic goodness, to anything.
Engagement rings aren't even used to show one is married: they're used before the wedding even occurs. Indeed, even helping avoid awkward social encounters isn't aided, since there are other (and cheaper) ways of showing you're "in a relatinship" (not to mention just telling people trying to hit on you).
If you need a ring to prove your love, it's not your lack of a ring that's the problem.
How the 'thigh gap' became the latest pressure point on a woman's self-image
She may have modelled for Ralph Lauren and appeared on the cover of Vogue Italia, but when a photo of Robyn Lawley wearing a corset appeared on Facebook the responses were far from complimentary. "Pig", "hefty" and "too fat" were some of the ways in which commenters described the 24-year-old. Her crime? Her thighs were touching. Lawley had failed to achieve a "thigh gap".
The model, who has her own swimwear line and has won numerous awards for her work, responded vehemently below the line: "You sit behind a computer screen objectifying my body, judging it and insulting it, without even knowing it."
She also went on to pen a thoughtful rallying cry for the Daily Beast last week against those who attacked her, saying their words were "just another tool of manipulation that other people are trying to use to keep me from loving my body".
The response to her article was electric and Lawley was invited to speak about thigh-gap prejudice on America's NBC Today. In a careful and downbeat tone, she explained: "It's basically when your upper middle thighs do not touch when you're standing with your legs together."
The Urban Dictionary website describes it in no uncertain terms as "the gap between a woman's thighs directly below the vagina, often diamond shaped when the thighs are together."
The thigh gap is not a new concept to Lawley, who at 6ft 2in and 12 stone is classified as a "plus-size" model, and who remembers learning about it aged 12. But the growth of Instagram and other social media has allowed the concept of a thigh gap to enter the public consciousness and become an alarming, and exasperating, new trend among girls and women.
A typical example is a Twitter account devoted solely to Cara Delevingne's thigh gap, which the model initially described as "pretty funny" but also "quite crazy".
Selfies commonly show one part of a person's anatomy, a way of compartmentalising body sections to show them in the best light, and the thigh gap is particularly popular. What was once a standard barometer of thinness among models is now apparently sought after by a wider public.
The thigh gap has its own hashtag on Twitter, under which users post pictures of non-touching thighs for inspiration, and numerous dedicated blogs. The images posted mirror the ubiquitous images of young, slim models and pop stars in shorts, often at festivals such as Glastonbury or Coachella, that have flooded the mainstream media in recent years, bringing with them the idea that skinniness, glamour and fun are intertwined.
There is even a "how to" page on the internet, although worshippers of thin may be disappointed to find that the first step is to "understand that a thigh gap is not physically possible for most people".
Naomi Shimada began modelling at 13, but had to quit the industry when her weight changed. "I was what they call a straight-size model – a size 6 – when I started, which is normal for a very young girl.
"But as I got older my body didn't stay like that, because, guess what, that doesn't happen to people! So I took a break and went back in as a size 14 and now work as a plus-size model."
Shimada is unequivocal about where the obsession with the thigh gap comes from. "It's not a new trend: it's been around for years. It comes partly from a fashion industry that won't acknowledge that there are different ways a woman should look, and it comes from the pro-anorexic community. It's a path to an eating disorder."
Caryn Franklin, the former Clothes Show presenter who co-founded the diversity campaign All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, is quite appalled. "We now have a culture that convinces women to see themselves as an exterior only, and evaluating and measuring the component parts of their bodies is one of the symptoms.
"Young women do not have enough female role models showing them action or intellect. In their place are scantily clad celebrities. Sadly, young women are wrongly looking to fashion for some kind of guidance on what it is to be female."
Franklin, who was fashion editor of style magazine i-D in the 1980s, says it hasn't always been this way: "I had spent my teen years listening to Germaine Greer and Susie Orbach talking about female intellect.
"When I came out of college I knew I had a contribution to make that wasn't based on my appearance. I then landed in a fashion culture that was busy celebrating diversity. There was no media saying 'get the look' and pointing to celebrities as style leaders because there wasn't a homogenised fashion look, and there weren't digital platforms that meant that I was exposed to more images of unachievable beauty."
Asked whether the fixation on skinny thighs is a way of forcing women's bodies to look pre-pubescent, Franklin says: "This culture has encouraged women to infantilise themselves. When you are so fixated on approval for what you look like, you are a little girl: you haven't grown up."
For many, the emergence of the thigh gap trend is baffling.
"About four hours ago, as far as I was concerned a 'thigh gap' was something anyone could have if they stood up and placed their feet wider than hip distance apart," wrote Vice journalist Bertie Brandes when she discovered the phenomenon.
"A thigh gap is actually the hollow cavity which appears between the tops of your legs when you stand with your feet together. It also means that your body is underweight."
Other bloggers have responded with a sense of the absurd; feminist blog Smells Like Girl Riot recently posted a diagram of a skeleton to show why the ischium and the pubis cannot be altered through diet alone.
Shimada, now 26, is about to launch her own fanzine, A-Genda, which aims to use a diverse range of models to show young women "something healthy to aspire to".
"When I was a really young model there were girls who used to talk about the pencil test, which is when you measure the depth of your waist against the length of a pencil, and back dimples, when the lack of fat would create concave areas of skin," she says. "But I don't even think this kind of thing is limited to the fashion industry any more. It's all a big mess. But we all have to play a role in making it better."
Franklin also wonders: "When did everyone become so narcissistic? What happened to intellect? My sense of myself was not informed by a very shallow patriarchal media that prioritised the objectification of women – it was informed by feminism."
Lawley signed off her call to arms with a similar acknowledgement of the potential power of women's bodies.
"I've been trying to do just the opposite: I want my thighs to be bigger and stronger. I want to run faster and swim longer. I suppose we all just want different things, but women have enough pressure as it is without the added burden of achieving a 'thigh gap'.
"The last thing I would want for my future daughter would be to starve herself because she thought a 'thigh gap' was necessary to be deemed attractive."
The model, who has her own swimwear line and has won numerous awards for her work, responded vehemently below the line: "You sit behind a computer screen objectifying my body, judging it and insulting it, without even knowing it."
She also went on to pen a thoughtful rallying cry for the Daily Beast last week against those who attacked her, saying their words were "just another tool of manipulation that other people are trying to use to keep me from loving my body".
The response to her article was electric and Lawley was invited to speak about thigh-gap prejudice on America's NBC Today. In a careful and downbeat tone, she explained: "It's basically when your upper middle thighs do not touch when you're standing with your legs together."
The Urban Dictionary website describes it in no uncertain terms as "the gap between a woman's thighs directly below the vagina, often diamond shaped when the thighs are together."
The thigh gap is not a new concept to Lawley, who at 6ft 2in and 12 stone is classified as a "plus-size" model, and who remembers learning about it aged 12. But the growth of Instagram and other social media has allowed the concept of a thigh gap to enter the public consciousness and become an alarming, and exasperating, new trend among girls and women.
A typical example is a Twitter account devoted solely to Cara Delevingne's thigh gap, which the model initially described as "pretty funny" but also "quite crazy".
Selfies commonly show one part of a person's anatomy, a way of compartmentalising body sections to show them in the best light, and the thigh gap is particularly popular. What was once a standard barometer of thinness among models is now apparently sought after by a wider public.
The thigh gap has its own hashtag on Twitter, under which users post pictures of non-touching thighs for inspiration, and numerous dedicated blogs. The images posted mirror the ubiquitous images of young, slim models and pop stars in shorts, often at festivals such as Glastonbury or Coachella, that have flooded the mainstream media in recent years, bringing with them the idea that skinniness, glamour and fun are intertwined.
There is even a "how to" page on the internet, although worshippers of thin may be disappointed to find that the first step is to "understand that a thigh gap is not physically possible for most people".
Naomi Shimada began modelling at 13, but had to quit the industry when her weight changed. "I was what they call a straight-size model – a size 6 – when I started, which is normal for a very young girl.
"But as I got older my body didn't stay like that, because, guess what, that doesn't happen to people! So I took a break and went back in as a size 14 and now work as a plus-size model."
Shimada is unequivocal about where the obsession with the thigh gap comes from. "It's not a new trend: it's been around for years. It comes partly from a fashion industry that won't acknowledge that there are different ways a woman should look, and it comes from the pro-anorexic community. It's a path to an eating disorder."
Caryn Franklin, the former Clothes Show presenter who co-founded the diversity campaign All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, is quite appalled. "We now have a culture that convinces women to see themselves as an exterior only, and evaluating and measuring the component parts of their bodies is one of the symptoms.
"Young women do not have enough female role models showing them action or intellect. In their place are scantily clad celebrities. Sadly, young women are wrongly looking to fashion for some kind of guidance on what it is to be female."
Franklin, who was fashion editor of style magazine i-D in the 1980s, says it hasn't always been this way: "I had spent my teen years listening to Germaine Greer and Susie Orbach talking about female intellect.
"When I came out of college I knew I had a contribution to make that wasn't based on my appearance. I then landed in a fashion culture that was busy celebrating diversity. There was no media saying 'get the look' and pointing to celebrities as style leaders because there wasn't a homogenised fashion look, and there weren't digital platforms that meant that I was exposed to more images of unachievable beauty."
Asked whether the fixation on skinny thighs is a way of forcing women's bodies to look pre-pubescent, Franklin says: "This culture has encouraged women to infantilise themselves. When you are so fixated on approval for what you look like, you are a little girl: you haven't grown up."
For many, the emergence of the thigh gap trend is baffling.
"About four hours ago, as far as I was concerned a 'thigh gap' was something anyone could have if they stood up and placed their feet wider than hip distance apart," wrote Vice journalist Bertie Brandes when she discovered the phenomenon.
"A thigh gap is actually the hollow cavity which appears between the tops of your legs when you stand with your feet together. It also means that your body is underweight."
Other bloggers have responded with a sense of the absurd; feminist blog Smells Like Girl Riot recently posted a diagram of a skeleton to show why the ischium and the pubis cannot be altered through diet alone.
Shimada, now 26, is about to launch her own fanzine, A-Genda, which aims to use a diverse range of models to show young women "something healthy to aspire to".
"When I was a really young model there were girls who used to talk about the pencil test, which is when you measure the depth of your waist against the length of a pencil, and back dimples, when the lack of fat would create concave areas of skin," she says. "But I don't even think this kind of thing is limited to the fashion industry any more. It's all a big mess. But we all have to play a role in making it better."
Franklin also wonders: "When did everyone become so narcissistic? What happened to intellect? My sense of myself was not informed by a very shallow patriarchal media that prioritised the objectification of women – it was informed by feminism."
Lawley signed off her call to arms with a similar acknowledgement of the potential power of women's bodies.
"I've been trying to do just the opposite: I want my thighs to be bigger and stronger. I want to run faster and swim longer. I suppose we all just want different things, but women have enough pressure as it is without the added burden of achieving a 'thigh gap'.
"The last thing I would want for my future daughter would be to starve herself because she thought a 'thigh gap' was necessary to be deemed attractive."
Monday 28 October 2013
२७ वर्षको उमेरमाबल्ल फेला परे मिल्ने जुत्ता
खुट्टा निक ठूला भएपछि के गर्नु ?आफुलाई मिल्ने चप्पल समेत नपाएर जिवनको २७वर्षसम्मनांगो खुट्टामै बाँच्नुपर्ने रहेछ । हात्तिपाइले रोगकाकारण सुन्निएर विशाल खुट्टा भएकाचीनका एक युवाले २७वर्षको उमेरमाबल्लआफुलाई मिल्ने जुत्ता फेलापारेका छन् ।
चिनको फुजु प्रान्तका जु आनयुकालागिबल्लमिल्ने साइजकाजुत्ता फेला परे । हात्तिपाइलेकाकारण निकै ठूला खुट्टा भएकाजुकालागि एक जुत्ताकम्पनीले सहयोग स्वरुप ३ जोर जुत्ताबनाइदिएको हो । कम्पनीले जु कालागि नै भनेर विशेष डिजाइनमा तीजुत्तातयार गरेको थियो । जुत्तानिकै विशाल छन्, जसको लम्बाइ २८.५ सेन्टिमिटर र चौडाइ २२.५ सेन्टिमिटर छ ।
चिनको फुजु प्रान्तका जु आनयुकालागिबल्लमिल्ने साइजकाजुत्ता फेला परे । हात्तिपाइलेकाकारण निकै ठूला खुट्टा भएकाजुकालागि एक जुत्ताकम्पनीले सहयोग स्वरुप ३ जोर जुत्ताबनाइदिएको हो । कम्पनीले जु कालागि नै भनेर विशेष डिजाइनमा तीजुत्तातयार गरेको थियो । जुत्तानिकै विशाल छन्, जसको लम्बाइ २८.५ सेन्टिमिटर र चौडाइ २२.५ सेन्टिमिटर छ ।
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